Sorry for the cocroaches Hannah Grace. At least there weren't any scorpions in the 'co. You have that to look forward to. Katesters, I am so glad you posted those. I only wish Cornerstone's internet was faster so I could actually watch them...oh well. Maybe at work tomorrow :) By the way, I heard a rumor they're making a Where the Wild Things Are movie. I looked it up to be sure. Here's the trailer. For some reason this one did happen to work at school.

So I was journaling today and I realized I have not taken time to sit down and do that in a long time, so I inevitably and predictably had about a thousand questions and comments and frustrations floating in my mind that I did not discover until this afternoon when I finally put pen to paper. This is how my mind works. I don't even know that I'm thinking things till I either say them or start writing. Maybe this is why I always struggle to keep my opinion out of my writing at work.

More or less I discovered I am in a quandry. I am not sure if I am not hearing from God--and have not heard from him in ages it seems--because I am not seeking him well enough or if it is just a matter of patience. I'm getting frustrated because I'm reading Captivating (yes, still--it's taking forever) and she talks about pursuing God and loving him because he does that for us, but I'm discovering I don't know at all what that means. There's a point where Bible reading and routine prayer becomes nothing more than an imitation of pursuit. How am supposed to chase after God? What does that look like? Especially in light of the fact that try as I might I can never seem to make the command of continual prayer remotely a reality, and when, also try as I might, I can never seem to live a life in complete submission to God. I literally don't know how. I feel like a liar whenever we sing "I Surrender All" at chapel because I don't surrender all. I would like to (or at least most of me would like to), but I literally do not know what that looks like. Am I supposed? Or is that something we only strive toward until and never meet until we see our Saviour in heaven? Sorry for the spiritual deluge I've burdened you all with. But I figure this is the most important part of my life so I feel justified in asking questions.

This has been some start to our blogging days, eh everyone? Who knew we'd be so deep and sincere and serious. I'm glad for it though. I feel like I'm much more connected to the three of you while at physical distance, a prospect I like very much. I love you girls so much and thank God for you daily.

~Elisa~