"In time you need to learn to love the ebb just like the flow."

Ciao Bell'Amiche! (Hey pretty lady friends... sounds better in Italian)

Well, the past 48 hours have been on the upswing for me. *Breathe a deep sigh of relief*
Yesterday I had a relaxing and refreshing day. My friend Katie had her first prayer meeting at CSU. The weather was beautiful, and there were only four of us, so we went in front of the science building where there are these big grassy hills and we prayed for about an hour and a half. This kind of prayer doesn't happen all that often for me, but I must say, it was what I needed. Sitting there for that long with the spirit clearly with us was so wonderful. We spent a lot of time praying for the university, and I was reminded that it is OK to ask God for big things. I always forget that nothing is a challenge for God. We asked God to bring leaders to CSU who are Christian. And I always forget that asking for things like that is OK.... After that Katie, her friend Ashley, and I walked around campus. Ashley had never been to campus so we were giving her a tour. We went into this little gallery in the Urban Studies Building that I never knew existed. And in that gallery there was a new photo exhibit (just opened this week) that had all pictures of Columbia!!! (This was crazy to me because I had just read Else's article about Columbia and had been praying for that country a few days ago, so I love when I get nudges like that. It's like God saying, "Hey, Katie, keep praying...")
Another awesome thing happened yesterday. It might seem minuscule to you, but to me, it was a big thing. The Bennetches told me I could stay with them. So I know you're probably thinking, "I thought they said that a long time ago..." Well, sort of. I had been getting kind of worried about that, honestly. I think because every time I've actually talked to them, we've been really dancing around big questions like, "Can I stay with you and when can I stay and for how long?" Or at least I felt like that. The last time I talked to Brian he said I probably couldn't stay with them, but that he'd try to work something out... which to me didn't sound optimistic. So I had been mentally preping myself for leaving Roma after 5 weeks. Eh... these things happen. But Monday night I sent Brian an e-mail. It started short, like the rest of our e-mails. And then I was thought maybe it would be good for me to share why I actually want to go to Italy, and why I am going into missions. I think this got skipped over because for a little bit, Jim & Cindy Whiteman were talking to the Bennetches more about me than I was talking to them. So all parties involved felt like all the info was out there. But I realized that for me to want to stay with them, they should know my motives, right?
So here's a bit of the e-mail I sent.
Also, I thought I would share a little bit of my heart with you, because in all of our communications, I feel like that has been a little lacking. Over the past six months or so, I have been grappling with the idea of missions after graduation. I say grappling because I feel very confident that God has called me to it, but I am still trying to figure out what that means for me, for my parents, for my finances, for my education, and for so many other areas of life. Since I first felt God calling me to missions I have had so many emotions swirling inside of me: fear, excitement, anxiousness, confusion, doubt, certainty... you name it; I've probably felt it. I've also heard a number of things from God as to where I should be: Rome, England, India, the Middle East... I went through this period where I constantly was hearing God say, "Katie, you need to be OK with it if I send you to (insert location)." It started with Rome, just for this summer and now it's basically anywhere on the planet for as little as 1 year after graduation and as much as the rest of my life. Part of me keeps wanting to limit what God can do by taking control of the situation, partly because I feel the need to have an answer for people when I hear the dreaded question, "What are your plans after graduation?" I keep having to remind myself of Galatians1:10 (Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ). That has been sort of my fall back verse for the year; I am constantly trying to make myself look a certain way to my friends, family, coworkers, and professors, but really all that matters is how I look to Christ!
Anyhow, the point of that rant was to say that one of the reasons I am so excited to be in Roma this summer is that I am longing to be completely immersed in what God is doing there and how He is using the Christians there. I also am so excited to spend some time with you and Sarah, even if that time is limited, because as silly as it may sound, I can't wait to spend time with "real missionaries" (I laughed out loud while typing that...). I didn't grow up knowing that missionaries even existed, so the idea is pretty fresh in my head. I really look forward to seeing what your day to day routine is like, and hearing things that you learned over the years of starting in new places with new languages and even just logistical things like support raising and finding an organization to work with!

I put that in because I didn't know if I've totally shared all of that with all of you, but there it is. Anyhow, yesterday I got an e-mail back from Brian basically saying, "Thank you for that, and you can stay with us the whole time. There may be a couple of tricky days, but we'll work it out." Whew.
And on that note, Else, I may be going with you and your family and the Bennetches to Florence.... Can't wait!!!
SO basically, yesterday was a wonderful day. And today, well, I don't know if there's a word that is like aftermath, but is positive, but today was the positive aftermath of yesterday. And now, I am working at the desk till 2, so I get a good long reflection time, haha!
Well, that was a long post, but, oh well...
I love you girls, I miss you, and I'll see you at Easter (at least Hannie and Heathie, Else... are you coming home?)
Love love love!
~Kate