"He has risen!" Well, it's Good Friday and we're singing for what seems like the 900th time the "St. Matthew's Passion" by J. S. Bach with choir (aka the love of my life...yeahhh...). I'm getting a little disturbed because the piece is literally the Gospel according to Matthew in song, but I can't sit still while we're singing. It loses a lot of meaning when you sing it 97 times and are told over and over "no, no. The notes have to leap like this because, as you can see, if you draw a line between the notes and flip the staff on its side, it makes a cross...well, sort of. Basically, Bach is a genius."
Happy Easter weekend to you all though! I will be spending mine at school, which will be a nice change of pace from the constant intrusions of people on my personal time. Call me selfish, but I need alone time. Especially with the Lord. Man, my prayer life is so sucky lately. Matt and I realized last night that we've practically stopped praying together completely - something we've always taken very seriously. It's funny how being at a Christian school challenges your faith; not because of the professors and chapels, but because you learn just how big of a self-righteous, judgmental idiot you can be. So the question becomes, will you keep patting yourself on the back for not being 'as bad as those people who claim to be Christians but are doing ____(fill in the blank),' or will you take the opportunity to be a learner and leader for Christ, building up those brothers and sisters who are falling and making use of your resources in a Christian environment? So far, I have shot after the former. Let's face it, selfishness is easier than selflessness.
So in light of the Easter season, I have done nothing at all except been hit with a ton of bricks stamped with the word 'basics.' I couldn't sleep the other night thinking about how little I attempt to thank Jesus for literally becoming the thing he hates the most so I could live the life (laced with pettiness and mistakes) I do now. I keep looking to give him more, but I realize that I've failed in the most basic of regions. While lying awake, I decided to write. "So here I am, where I was to begin with/ just a child questioning her existence/ I never thought I'd be back to the basics/ can you teach me how not to be faithless?"
The picture at the top was after I decided word art would be fun on my hand. It's just a reminder that I've been made new, and I don't have to live as a slave anymore. I am in constant need of a reminder that I have a saviour who is much greater than my problems or even my failures. He has risen indeed.
2 comments:
"So the question becomes, will you keep patting yourself on the back for not being 'as bad as those people who claim to be Christians but are doing ____(fill in the blank),' or will you take the opportunity to be a learner and leader for Christ, building up those brothers and sisters who are falling and making use of your resources in a Christian environment?"
Um, can I get an AMEN? That is seriously THE question of my life for the past 3 years. So, know that you are not alone here, Lisey.
Thanks Heathie. It's so good to have friends to share struggles with. I love you!
Post a Comment