Hannah's Health Habits.

Sisterrrrss. I am in fact, sick. Again. I really do think I have one of the worst immune systems. Especially after a couple months of having bronchitis this semester, and then pneumonia to top it off...I suppose it shouldn't surprise me to now have a bad cold. I AM a little worried though, because I have a new pain right of my back. Before, it was my right front and as the doctor told me...that is where the pneumonia was concentrated. I might be going to the hospital tonight to get an x-ray or something. I'm getting a little worried, because I am leaving for the west coast on Saturdayy. : ( I'm getting very frustrated. It's a very annoying thing...not being healthy for months. Also, it's not just my physical deterioration that is worrying me. It's my emotional one as well.

I have been through so much this semester, and honestly don't know how I made it through. I'm sure it had to do with all of your constant prayers and for that I am grateful. Please continue to pray for me. That I would heal quickly, that my travels would be safe, and that my heart would grow stronger in order to fight the evil that seems to be attacking my soul every moment. I love you sisters so much, and don't know what I'd do without you all. Can't wait to be able to talk and give you a big hug.

Your Sister,

Hannah Grace

Stream of consciousness

Well ladies, I'm at a loss. What do I do with my life? Where is God taking me? What if he takes me somewhere I don't really feel like going? You hear about stories in the Bible where even men of God don't want to go where God wants them. But honestly, it seems like it's always because of danger, the fear of death, some other pending doom that there seems to be no way out of if they dare follow God. What if you just don't envision yourself going where God's leading? What if it's not so much fear involved as boredom? I think I need to read through Jonah...

This job search thing has been overwhelming. One day I'll feel really certain that I should find a job in HR, the next that I should work with troubled teens. Seldom do I think about working in the news business for years, and yet oddly I think that's where I may be for a while. I guess as stressed as I've been searching for work, it's been kind of exciting--the thought of something new, the thought of bursting the Christian bubble I've lived in for the past 3 years. It's all sort of thrilling. And yet I may not always be called to thrills. Maybe this is the chance to just start doing some serious volunteer work. Maybe this is the time to trust. To obey.

It seems that all of us are in the same predicament right now: stuck in a rut. Looking for jobs, looking for normalcy, looking for adventure, looking for life. We women were not made to sit quietly and lead adventure-less lives. Yet somehow I think that's what God calls us to for some seasons, if only to prepare us for the exciting future he undoubtedly has planned for us. That exciting future just may not come in the package we expect.

I wish I knew where I'd be in five years, even one. But I know that if I were to find out, something would be missing: the mystery that lies within the uncertain; the challenge that is found in trusting; the joy that grows out of obedience. It would be hard not to get complacent, not to obsess over the future. (I have a hard enough time not doing that when I don't know what it holds.) I guess what I'm trying to say is, as much as I don't want to admit it, God knows better than I do what he's doing, and better than I do what ought to be done. So now just one question: how do I let go? For good.

e.l.i.s.a

Read this blog to find out about my plans.

Since I went public with my big life changing news this week, I suppose I can blog about it now. I am apparently prophetic. Toby read a facebook status and misconstrued the meaning of it, thinking that I was pulling out of SIM (Toby, you weren't the only one who misunderstood that status) and days later I find out that in fact, I did need to pull out of SIM. But the story about SIM isn't why I'm blogging. It's the big event in my life, but really not the big thing in my life.

Do you ever feel like you are focusing on one thing so much in your relationship with God that you miss everything else? Spiritual Tunnel Vision? I think that's what I'm recovering from. To some extent, I think everyone has it. I think it must be part of the fall. We're so focused on ourselves that we can't extend our focus to too many other things at once. Well, the past few months have been about me trusting God's plan for my life. That's about it. Not to diminish the importance of that, but that's all I was talking to God about. God help me to trust your plan. God help me to see your plan. Give me clarity. Preferably NOW.

You know, yesterday, I did a search for the word "plan" in the bible using my trusty online ESV study bible. Then I started clicking on New Testament results. First on Matthew. 4 results. The catch? The search engine had not actually returned any results for the word "plan" but had instead returned 4 instances of the word "plant" or some form of it. In the ESV (the same is not true of the NIV) the word "plan" actually does not occur in the synoptic gospels. And, as far as I can tell from my quick internet searches, Jesus actually never uses the word "plan." What does that say? Jesus does not talk about plans. He talks about plants. There are a lot of plans in the bible, and most of the time, they're no good. Instead, what are we to do? Be rooted in Christ!

The day before I found out for sure that SIM was a no-go, a friend gave me a devotional that took me to 1 Thessalonians 4:3- For this is the will of God; your sanctification. The will of God has very little to do with where I actually am and very much to do with who I am becoming. So, what is my focus now? Well, I'm trying to roll with the punches. I've sent out a lot of resumes. I've started dreaming about apartments. I've started praying about what God wants to teach me right now. I can tell you one thing. I'm not making any plans.

What on earth am I doing here alone again...

I know I'm not supposed to post here. And after this, I'll never post again. But I've been watching a bit too much Alias, so I decided to hack in to ask for a favor.

Because honestly, it makes me feel a bit silly to check this blog twice a week when there are never any posts for nearly a month! I hear a small voice in my head saying, "Are you serious? What are you, some kind of stalker? You're more interested in this blog than they are! That's pretty messed up, pal." I don't know about you, but I hate it when my inner voice refers to me as "pal."

So how about it? I know you all haven't been in bed for the entirety of the past month. And even if you were in bed for a month, that type of illness would probably be blogworthy. What is new in the life of Beady's near and far?

Toby

Disclaimer: The views, opinions, conclusions and other information expressed in this blog post are not given or endorsed by the Beady Beady membership.

Christmas Plans

I just want to let everyone know...Toby and I will be in Cleveland from December 23-30. Which means that I MUST see each beady (if you're in town) at that time. Lisey, when will you be home? And Kate, are you thinking you'll be around then? Twin, I think I already know your plans. :)

Love, HZ

Ummmm....wow.

Hello beady sisters of mine. OH boy, so I have not blogged in what seems like ages...and for that I apologize! I feel like my life has been a whirlwind of emotion lately and I've been living in my own safe little hole very comfortably. As it turns out, broken hearts are actually a legit thing. It really doess hurt! Hm. I miss all three of you soo much, and have at least been grateful to have katie so close to me and am excited to be seeing her more. Sisters, I have been feeling better! Praiisssse God because I literally did not think this was possible so soon. It felt like I couldn't see any end to my pain and sadness. And now, I can honestly say that I can. Though my relationship with God is lacking on my part...it's just good to have a sense of hope again. I of course still have kind of a hole in my heart, and don't know how long I will feel it, but I'm confident that God and the people who love me will help me through it.
My classes are going well, however there is so much over lap because I'm basically taking allll sociology/crim classes so at times if feels pretty redundant. I'm enjoying them for the most part, but because of everything I've been going through recently it's been superrr hard to find any motivation to do my work. It was random that when all of this started happening in my life, I was completely becoming overloaded with school annd now work. It was rough. Now I'm finding a good balance for myself that I think will keep me a bit healthier. Especially mentally, ha. I really do love work. I like everyone that I work with and love being able to interact with people in that fun setting all day. I kinda had to slow down on my work schedule for the rest of this semester though, because my school work was so behind. As you three mayyy know?..when I am really upset emotionally, I get literallyy sick. ha So I'm actually juust finishing "phase 2" of my cold. It's been pretty annoying and definitely got in the way of my classes. So..priorities. lol. I musstt graduate. I did not come allll this way for nothing. It's funny though because at several points through my reallyyy rough patch I literally thought about dropping out. Thatt is how confused and lost I felt. I didn't even think I could make it through school the way I felt. I don't really know how else to describe it. Ohh man.
OOOkkk..so special request from Elisa. My bus story. So this morning my mom and I were driving into Lakewood. She usually drops me off on clifton so I can catch the bus there and then she drives to work. Today we were running wayy behind, so she asked if we could just go straight to her work and convinced me that I could just as easily take the 26 bus on detroit. I have never taken this bus before...and didn't quiitte know where it would take me. However, I'm pretty used to freestyling bus trips from commuting for 4 years. lol. So I walked onto detroit, and saw the bus coming. I didn't know how far away I was from the next stop...so I just ran. lol. I finally found one in time, and hopped onto the bus. It was huge, like..one of the Healthline buses (kite would know) : ). The bus was pretty empty actually. Oh yea..and I saw when the bus was coming towards me that it was going to east 13th street. So I was like..Ok..I basically know where that is. So all of a sudden the bus is sooo packed. It was like..mayhem. This one elderly woman (pretty sure she had no teeth which is why there was so much spit flying out of her mouth) who got on the bus and immediately started screaming. Like...swearing..threatening...I was freaked out. She was actually eyeing me down too. lol. I definitely would nott want to cross her on the street at night. Or anytime of day for that matter. So thenn these two creepy men get on. They sit riiiight next to me. I was so squished. I'm like..really? Oh well. But he had suuper long nails, and smelled awful. They were speaking some other language..but come on. I knoww when people are talking about me! They kept looking over and smiling and giggling and I was like..awwesome sauce. Then this really cute guy got on the bus and instead of sitting in..oh..idk..a seat? He stood riiiight in front of me holding onto the pole (ha, that sounds funny) and facingg me! It was so awkward! I didn't even know where to look! And then he persisted to ask me what my name was..and if I had a boyfriend. And I was over it pretty quickly. He got creepy reeeall fast. So we finally got near tower city so I hopped off. (so did cute boy). So then I saw a healthline about to leave so I jumped on that. I was standing near the front, and there were three old men standin up (well, one was in a hoveround)...and one old woman sitting by them. They all kept calling her their wife, soo i was kind of confused. However, I used my deductive reasoning skills to conclude that she wass in fact Hoveround's wife. But thenn Bus Stop (that was his nick name) leaned over and started intimately kissing her!!! And hoveround was looking..but he didnt say anything. So I was like, oh. Maybe she's bus stop's wife, and hoveround was just jokin. But thenn willyy was like..shooo he takin your ladyyy haha. And I'm like..whaaat??...crazy!! (in my head). And then Willy started talkin about how he woke up the other morning in his bed with two random women! He was like..ehhh I didnt even know who they werrre!! Ohhh man. At this point one of them started talking to me..and I was like..ding ding! Get off the bus Hannah. Sooo I did. Wow. I just...it all didnt even seem real. It already feels like I lived the whole day. lol.
Well beadies...I love you all. Elisa! I get to see you for halloweenn!!! yayyy. Cannot wait sister. Heather, I'll apparentlyy be seein you in December! Good enough for me! I'll take what I can get! ; ) And Kite..well..I'll see ya. YOu know.

Hannah Grace

19.Fischer.89

Fall Update from the Mrs.

Buenos noches, mis amores! Good evening from your newly married Minnesotan Beady. I think it's time for an update, what with all of the big changes going on around here...

First of all, thank you each for coming to my wedding!! I was pretty bummed at how short the night went and how little I got to talk with you ladies, but I guess there was no way to prevent that. Seriously, it meant so much to me (and Toby) that you each were able to come. Gosh, I can't even describe how I felt that entire day, being surrounded by everyone I love and wanting to talk to everyone individually, yet unable to do that. It was so amazing to be surrounded with that love and just to see everybody together in one place. :) Anyway, I've talked to all of you on the phone since then and updated you on wedding/honeymoon/newlywed business, but I thought I would share a few other things with you here.

Since we got back from our honeymoon, I have actually enjoyed my job! It has only been a week and a half of work since then, but I think I have finally figured out how to DO my job. I have learned how to schedule clients so that I am home by a normal hour (instead of 7 or 8 like I had been) and still get paid for a full-time week. I have learned how to NOT answer my cellphone when it is work-related once I get home for the night. I have learned how to separate my personal emotions from the stories my clients tell me, even though they can be extremely depressing. (Okay, so I haven't figured out how to do this completely...but at least I don't come home crying as much anymore!) And I'm starting to build good relationships with my clients. At least four of them in the last week have told me how much I am helping them and how much they like me. :) I have to say it is really nice to get some feedback at work, because I receive absolutely none from anyone else.

Other good news: Toby quit his job at Applebee's and we will now be able to actually spend evenings together - for the first time ever! He is working his very last shift tonight, and we both are thrilled. :) He started working one internship as an assistant to the middle school youth pastor, and that seems to be going well so far. Toby is waiting to hear back about an internship at another church, but we are very hopeful that he will get it! And if not, we'll just keep on looking...

Married life is great. I absolutely love coming home from work to be a wife and spend time in *our* apartment together. It's so nice to live in space that is just mine and Toby's, and not to worry about using other people's things or sharing furniture or bills or anything! It's crazy to think about the fact that I am a real adult - working full time to make money to buy everything I need and pay for all my expenses. I know many of my friends have been doing these things already for awhile now (and I guess I've been doing this for the past 5 months or so), but it's still strange to think about. When did I become an adult? Is it permanent? :)

Alright, well I guess I should go write some wedding thank-you's. Feel free to call/email/Skype me anytime, because I miss you girls a lot. Oh yeah, and let me know your plans for Christmas, because Toby and I are planning our Ohio trip and need to know when to come!

Love,

Heather Grace

Honesty

Dear Beady Sisses,

Honestly, I don't know how honest I've been with you all lately. Because honestly, I have not been doing great with the Lord. Honestly, last night was the first night in a long time where I truly felt as if I could only do all things through HIM who gives me strength rather than through me.

It's a funny thing how not being open damages a person. I have not purposely been hiding anything from the three of you or from my husband, but I have just stopped talking about my spiritual life. With anybody. Even the Lord. For a while, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Frankly, just about all summer long I omitted that part of my life from every conversation (the fact that I even have the ability to do that probably says something about the state of my heart right now), and now fall is well underway and I have not changed my habits in the slightest. Of course, the reasoning behind this is because I know that I have not been focusing the kind of effort or time I should be with the Lord. I'd love to blame it on change, on adjusting to married life, on it being my last semester, and believe me, I do use these as excuses. But what it really comes down is laziness with a hint of apathy. And you know, despite my extreme busyness, things are going pretty well for me, so what do I need the Lord for, right? I know how incredibly blasphemous that sounds, and I would never actually say that out loud, but that's really what I've been saying with my life. (And everyone knows 80% of communication is nonverbal. . . ) Why is it that it is so difficult for me to believe that I need the Lord even when there is not a "crisis" happening in my life? This is not a new problem in my life, but certainly an emphasized one over the last several months. I was at one point more disciplined. Why is that so hard to build and so simple to tear down?

Honestly girls, I've been avoiding writing anything on here, because I know that once I started to write I would inevitably need to be honest. Honestly though, Sara Groves is right when she says, "Oh honesty--oh honestly--the truth be told for the saving of our souls."

Your slightly blasphemous and forever imperfect friend,

Elisa

When my world is shaking, heaven stands

Not being in school is strange. Especially for a school lover like myself. I think it took finishing school to fully realize what a nerd I am. I make homework for myself. I read books that I wouldn't normally read on my own volition, just to challenge myself. But I do a lot of depressing things too. Work is, to me, pretty depressing. I dread going to work every time I go in. I don't often admit to hating my job, because theoretically it should be good. But I just hate it. It's meaningless. Which is why, when I went back to Laura's Home today, I had so much fun. I wasn't doing anything fun, exactly. I just had a blast doing things that matter, and seeing people that I love.
Overall though, life is pretty unstable now. Day to day, nothing unpredictable happens. But I feel this constant weight of not knowing exactly what's next. I spent a lot of time in the Old Testament this summer, which gave me some comfort in understanding God's plan for the world, but I didn't realize that I was missing some very foundational things by not reading the New Testament for so long. I read Colossians 1 today. Go read it. Seriously. Stop reading this blog and go read it.

Done? This chapter is so confusing to me in so many ways. It's so complex. There's so much going on. But here's what stuck out to me today:
1. Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel, which has come to you, as indeed in the whole world it is bearing fruit and growing The gospel is bearing fruit and growing in the whole world! What an easy thing to forget about! I am planning on going into the world, into a different place, and I forgot that God is already working in the hearts of people that I will meet. And the Gospel is so powerful. And I am going for the Gospel's sake. What a privelege!
2. Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. We are qualified. I'm not exactly sure how. It's a mystery. I know it's through Christ. And I don't feel qualified. But I am. Right now.
3. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Right now, I need to hear this. In him all things hold together. In HIM all things hold together. Even when it seems like things are falling apart, and when everything seems arbitrary, I can know that He is holding it all together. He is actively keeping my life and your life from falling to pieces. Because certainly, if I were left to my own devices, I would be in pieces.

So, there you have it. A glimpse into the mind of a recent college grad, with not enough to do, and not enough trust. I think God is teaching me. If I knew the whole plan right now, I probably wouldn't want to do it. So I'll stick with finding things out in His timing.

I love you all. It was so wonderful being together over the weekend, and so great celebrating another beady wedding.

Peace sisters :)

~Kate

PS Did you notice that I even blog like it's homework....?

Greetings From the Grassy Knoll!

It's a quarter to 5 in the morning, and I'm on blogger.

So I was lying here in bed, coughing up a lung with a sore throat so bad I can hardly swallow, and I thought to myself: "What would be the best use of my time at 4am on a Saturday when I can't take my Tylenol 3 for another hour and all I'm doing is lying awake? Of course! I can blog!" That is how this little blog entry came about.

Basically, this was one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time. I think it was a combination of factors: I have a terrible cough and sore throat which I found out is laryngitis combined with allergies and possibly something else; I haven't slept through the night for at least a week; it's Toby's end of quarter which means the only time I saw him all week was for our hour of premarital counseling and then a KFC dinner afterwards (don't judge, you know it's awesome); I had a client cuss me out and basically tell me I'm terrible at my job (which I already had insecurities about) and then made me cry nonstop for the next hour or so -- again, emotional week. Not to mention this week was preceded by a weekend in which I decided that my antisocial-ness is becoming a problem and I really need to step out of my comfort zone and start making some friends. Yeah, pretty much, it was a bad week.

BUT, in all the crappiness, some really awesome things happened this week as well. LIKE, on Monday, the Zook ladies threw me a wedding shower/party and I got to spend some lovely time with just them. On Wednesday, I went out to coffee with one of my two friends in MN and we had a really encouraging conversation. On Thursday, I ended up hanging out with that same friend, her college friend, and the friend's roommate - and I had people ask to pray for me right then and there. I don't know why, but that really struck me. It has been a LONG time since someone said "Hey, do you mind if we pray for that right now?" I felt surprised and a little taken aback. And then I felt really sad that I felt that way. I felt like a person on the street being evangelized to - like someone who thinks "Yeah, there's no harm in letting this crazy Christian fanatic pray for my problems to be solved." How sad. I think there was a time when that was a more natural thing for me to say and hear people say, but in the last few years that has just not been something to which I'm accustomed. I don't know exactly why that is, because I was in a very Christian atmosphere in college. I'm guessing it has more to do with me personally than the people around me, and again, I'm not sure why. Anyway, it felt really awesome to hear someone pray for me out loud and then to pray myself out loud. I think I should do it again soon. :)

As you all know, there is another huge thing going on in my life right now...like a big celebration or something coming up. I'm getting married in 3 weeks from today!! Bah! And now it is freak-out time. I've been pretty good about staying calm and decreasing wedding stress, but I don't think there's any way to do that when you have a 4.5 month engagement and your wedding is 8 hours away and you have 3 weeks to make all the final decisions. :) It will be awesome, and almost everyone I'm closest to will be there, so I really can't complain!

I love and miss you Elisa, Hannah, and Kate. You are such incredible friends to me and I appreciate each one of you so much!

Always,

Heathie

feeling artsy

So, since not all of us beady sisters can afford to have a snazzy, shiny, white, beautiful macbook, some of us have kind of grungy computers. I've had mine for about 3 years, and the wear and tear was starting to get visible. I never really kept my computer in a sleeve or protected it. The outside of it was pretty dinged up. So, I started thinking maybe it was time for a makeover for Akiba (which I lovingly named my computer...). I had the idea of basically wallpapering my computer. But after giving it some thought, I decided maybe mod podge was the ticket.
Here's what I did:
This was very experimental. Hannah Grace Fischer had a lot of input.

I bought some handmade wrapping paper from World Market. I thought about wall paper, scrapbook paper, small art posters, etc. But wrapping paper seemed like the best option size wise and price wise. Plus, there were lots of fun options.

I saran wrapped my keyboard, to protect Akiba's ability to function.


I then closed up the lid, mod podged the area that I planned to cover with paper, and layed down the paper (beforehand, I cut a piece of paper that was about the same size as the top of my computer). I attempted to smooth the surface with my no longer needed Viking ID. I then used an exacto knife to cut around the edges to make them clean. Then I started painting on coats of mod podge. I alternated between horizontal and vertical coats. I did about 4 or 5 coats total. I still think I might do a few more.
Honestly, this project was scary. Hannah was there. She can attest to that. I felt like I was a vandal. Like I was defacing something. I felt terrified that it would go wrong and I would end up with a computer that I would be ashamed to take to coffee shops and libraries. Even while it was drying I was worried. But now that it's dry, I'm pretty happy with it. It's fun and different. I don't think I'll be running into anyone else whose computer looks like mine anytime soon.
Some notes to anyone who would try this at home:

My computer is not flat and doesn't have straight lines. I think it would be easier if it had straight lines.
When you use a credit card or something to smooth out the bubbles, act fast. I ran into the mod podge drying quicker than I could smooth it out, so there are wrinkles. I think other factors contributing to the wrinkles were the handmade paper (it soaked up the mod podge pretty quickly and didn't budge after a few seconds. regular wallpaper would have been a little easier) and the shape of my computer (the fact that the surface of it has contour makes it harder to make it flat and smooth).
Be sure that you want to do it. I don't think it's ever coming off. Though maybe, someday, if I get sick of this one, I'll just mod podge another right on top of this one!

That's all! I had fun!

Wow. I Hate Roller Coasters Even More Now.

Alright beady sisters,

My apologies that I have nottt been at all apart of holding this awesome blog together. I just don't even know where the time went, and (as the three of you know) have had a hard time blogging since I've had nothing profound to say. This summer seems like it was just one more trippy dream to add to my memory. My emotions have been a complete roller coaster these past three months exactly, and now that summer is over I feel that a final summer closure blog is in order. I miss you all three very much, and yes it was difficult not having all THREE of you here at once to comfort me...but I still feel close to you all nonetheless and have felt your love and comfort (even for afar).

I am sooo ready for fall semester. I am excited for my new classes that will push me further into my study of interest, to see and interact with school friends, to be in the city everyday again (hopefully working there as well), to have a routine, and honestly...to be distracted. It's been such an...interesting summer for lack of a better word. I caught myself thinking on several occasions these past few months.."wow..maybe I'm just not meantt to be here in the States during the summer. This is just weird. Maybe I should just not even livvve here!" As dramatic as that was, it's got me rethinking a lot. This summer was not my besstt summer with God. It will definitely not go down in the books as myyy best summer in my life I think (on a good life-choice level). The past two summers have held soo many good revelations about my life, and involved direction...and I feel like this summer just threw me into a frickin labyrinth of confusion. I am ready to move ahead of it though. With this new chilled air comes new opportunity for change, for ME to change. I am just now realizing that this blog is very jumbled. Oh well.

So girls, I miss you all very dearly (thought kate isss very close haha), and can't wait for us all to be reunited once again at Twin and Tobes wedding. Yaaayyyy double thumbs up. You are all in my heart and prayers. Love you!

Vacation

Thoughts from my vacation:

It's rainy and cold today, which is why I am blogging on vacation.
This is the first time that I have felt cold all summer.
It seems like the leaves turn colors earlier in the Upper Peninsula, which is making me long for autumn.
Where we are, there aren't many paved roads. They are made of sand. Red sand.
In case you were wondering, biking on sand is a great work out.
Small towns are proud of funny things, like murders that happened 50 years ago, and movies that were once filmed in the local bar.
In small towns, the mayor can (and does) drink shots with the best of 'em.
I have met more Presbyterians in the past 3 days than I ever remember meeting. They are nice folks.
Cottage cheese in pancakes is surprisingly delicious.
I like getting massages.
When you turn 21, sometimes random people you don't know try to convince you to drink alcohol.
Bed & Breakfasts are funny places where almost no one is under the age of 50.
People over 50 don't like climbing ladders into the tops of lighthouses, which means that I get the lighthouse balcony to myself most of the time. Of course that means I have to make friends with lots of spiders.
I stink at blacksmith puzzles.
When I sat down to start reading Jane Eyre, I discovered that the copy that I recently bought at Half Price Books for $1.25 is missing the first 10 pages. I think I went through all of the Kübler-Ross stages of grief over the course of the 10 minutes following this discovery.
Dill Pickle Pringles are SO good. Trust me.
Weather on a lake can change really quickly. Oh wait, I've always known that.
After a busy crazy summer, this vacation is exactly what I needed.

Moving on...

Well, I left Laura's Home today. I'm sorry I didn't post more about it here. It's overwhelming to try to soak in everything that's happening, let alone put it in some sort of form that's accessible to readers. Spend some time with me, and I guarantee that the stories will come out. But trying to put them all here would be crazy.
Looking back on the experience (talk to me in a week and I'll probably have a different perspective), I'd say that the coolest thing was how little my plans mattered. I tried not to go there with any preconceived notions about what it would be like, but I had them anyway. And I couldn't even articulate to you what they were or how they were shattered. I really think you can only understand it if you do it.
Leaving was pretty emotional. Several ladies slipped my their phone numbers on my way out, and I sort of wonder, if I were to call them, what would we talk about? A couple of the kids cried, but most of them were too young to really understand what my leaving meant. One woman, Tara, welled up for the past week every time I said anything about leaving. Tara has a 3 year old boy (one of the cutest kids ever!) and when she came, she would hardly look me in the eyes. Over 10 weeks, she has turned into such a softy. Seeing her cry this morning as I gave her a hug and told her I'd be praying for her and Jalynn made me want to weep, because I can't believe how far she's come, and because I'm seriously going to miss her.
I was certain that by the end of 10 weeks, I'd be burned out. After the first few weeks, I couldn't get over how tired I was all the time. I was exhausted from giving so much of myself so much of the time. But I adjusted. Giving became less of an effort. I worked hard, and God sustained me. And I feel like I could go longer. The 10 weeks went so fast. I could go 10 more.
It's bizarre to think that now I'm returning to my world that is held together by a false, yet deceptive sense of stability. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that I never have to worry about having a roof over my head, or clothes to wear, or insert luxury here. But there's something so humbling about living among people who have no such assurance.
In fact, the whole summer was humbling. In every possible way. It's not about what I think should be said, or what rules I think are good, or what I want to do, or what I think is fair, or what I know. It's about God and how He has planned everything to be. And in coming or going, I can rest in that.
It's been a sweet summer. I can't wait to tell you about it.

Beady Pics

Well I just got off the phone with Hannah and I'm feeling a bit beady-homesick right now. I know it's been ages since I blogged, and sadly, I do not have the energy to write one at this moment, but I do feel like posting some pictures for everyone's viewing pleasure.

I love you all.

Heather Grace

i must be dreaming

Matt and I have been watching a lot of Alias lately, so I keep dreaming about fleeing from bad guys, running with a gun, living on adrenaline, that sort of thing. So I had this dream last night. Usually I'm in the CIA in these dreams, but not last night. This time, it was a battle against Christians, but I don't think I knew that at first. Matt, someone I can't remember and I were hiding out in this safe house, but we were found. A guy with a gun (actually a Cornerstone student who had turned to the evil but supposedly more powerful side) came up to the house and starting shooting. We hid in a locked room and climbed out the window where others were waiting to take us safely away. We had to sit in the trunks of cars so no one would see us. But somehow this wasn't sneaky enough either. We were captured and taken to an experiment room. They super glued are mouths shut and I knew I was going to die. This is where it gets freaky.

I have never really felt I was about to die before. Not in a dream or in real life. But this seemed absurdly real. The thing is, what I was feeling was not peace because I knew where I was going, or confidence in my faith, it was terror. I started frantically praying for everyone I knew, suddenly aware that this was my last chance to pray for them. Hannah, actually you were the one I specifically kept praying hard for. And in between prayers I was frightened out of my mind. All I could think was, "what if I'm wrong? What if none of my beliefs are true? Jesus, forgive me. I'm terrified."

That's when I woke up. Right as I begun to slip away because my captors had drugged me to death, my eyes opened and I thought, "thank you God that was just a dream." But that dream has gotten me thinking. About several things. First, am I really confident in my faith? Do I really believe that if I die for Christ it will be worth the dying? Do I really believe that when I die, from any cause, I'll be with the Lord in heaven, and no where else? These are difficult questions to be confronted with. I've been assuring myself that yes, I have experienced Christ, trusted him, and so yes, I will be with him always. But there is still a trickle of doubt running through my mind, a taste of fear.

Besides my own ultimate demise, this dream has me thinking about the countless martyrs who have died over the years. You know, when I write a story on a pastor killed in India by Hindu extremists when he refuses to convert or a Christian woman in Iran who dared commit apostasy against Islam to follow Christ, I think "wow. They are brave people. They must have died with the utmost confidence." But since 'experiencing' this dream, I've been thinking, maybe they weren't confident. Maybe they were terrified. Maybe their last thoughts were desperate pleas to the Lord, maybe even doubts. What if they're only human, too?

Maybe none of this is that important. Maybe I just need to pray more, learn more, read more, grow more. Or maybe it's ok to be afraid, to not look forward to any sort of death, be it for Christ or for the curses of nature. But ultimately, I need to evaluate this: in whom do I put my trust? In me, in 'my own' ability to stay alive; or Christ, in his ability to keep me alive, more than ever in death? Just a reminder that we are mortal. That we cannot save ourselves. That God's grace is outstandingly, incredibly more than enough. And deserve it or not, I have it. Praise God.

e.l.i.s.a

must.

So, we might be half-way through summer, but I couldn't resist doing one of these summer must lists.

must have

sandals
lemon cello
bright colors
floppy straw hat
mitchell's ice cream
sweet corn on the cob
tomato mozzarella salad

must do

float
stargaze
write letters
love like Jesus
read a stack of books
shop farmer's markets
photograph new places

must feel

dewy
joyful
peaceful
nostalgic
overcome
vulnerable
incandescent


What's keeping you going this summer?

Summer 2010 and the things that go with it

Hello ladies! What do you think of the blog redesign? Ok, I know it could be better, but ribbon is the closest I could find to beads...still in the craft family, right? Anyway, feel free to mess around with it; I've just been having fun exploring the new options from the backgrounds to the gadget links to the "advanced" settings! (Aaand infomercial on blogger's new "design" button done.) Also, should we be changing the NAME of this blog??? We might need to add a stutter! (Hannah and Kate know what I'm talking about, we might have to fill you in, Heathie...)

So business aside, Matt and I had an awesome weekend with Hannah and Emily! I wish you all could have been there, but alas...we'll definitely need to plan a winter Indian Lake trip! Indian Lake is love! Anyway, it was really refreshing to be with people that we knew and to feel like we had friends again. It's been pretty lonely for me here in G.R., and I suspect for Matt as well. He's a little better about being by himself than I am, though. I just miss being able to call one of you up in the summer and go get coffee. Married life is still a blast, but changes are still hard.

On another note, I have a total case of summer daze. I've discovered that working at MNN in the summer is not for me. It's not that work has been bad, it's just that I have major cabin fever. Since about 8 months of the year are winter in Michigan, it's not bad working during the school year. But during the summer, I'm having a tough time with responsibility. Exhibit B of this analysis is the fact that Matt and I wrote about 18 thank you notes three weeks ago and have since completed....zero. It really hasn't helped that we've had no real electricity and thus no AC for the last 65 or so hours. You might think we'd have more time to get stuff done that way, but I think it's made us lazier. Who wants to move in 90 degree heat?

So basically I've discovered that a lot of things don't change when you're married. You don't all of a sudden feel this draw to and love for responsibility. Summer still puts your brain in a haze. You still miss your friends like crazy when you don't get to see them. And ultimately, your spiritual life doesn't magically sky rocket. Honestly, I've been slacking in the Jesus department quite a bit lately. I think I thought that I'd be doing wonderfully spiritually once Matt and I got married since I wouldn't have any gnawing temptations anymore. This, of course, was an incorrect assumption. Christ still needs my undivided attention and still needs me to put work into our relationship. Amid this season of laziness though, it's been difficult. Pray that I'd stay motivated if you think of it. I miss feeling closeness to the only one who can truly provide it.

There's my life in a nutshell for now. Can't wait to see you all for Heathie's shower and definitely can't wait for her wedding in September!! Oh, and just as an FYI so no one gets the wrong impression, I am incredibly happy right now, just feeling contemplative. :) I love you all immensely!

e.l.i.s.a

Some stories and reflections

While looking through some old journal entries this week, I was realizing how some of the things that I had started praying for months ago have recently been answered in ways I didn’t necessarily expect. I was looking at some journaling I did at Urbana, mostly about my feelings, fears, and expectations about my future in international missions. I don’t think I knew what I was really writing then, because I don’t remember feeling particularly convicted by any of it. But regardless, God has been so faithful in bringing those things to fruition right here at Laura’s home. When I was at Urbana, Laura’s Home was not even really on my radar, and yet, here I am living missionally, and doing ministry incarnationally.
I wrote, “I want to dwell with people of the world who do not know the Lord.” Here I am, quite literally dwelling with people from all different backgrounds. Some know the Lord. Some don’t. One of the coolest things about living here, is that even in the past three weeks, I have seen transformation happen before my eyes. I have seen people coming in the doors for the first time, looking exhausted, and scared out of their minds. I have seen those same people settle in, meet make-shift friends, learn the ropes, and something in their eyes changes. They don’t look scared anymore. I had one woman tell me that here, when she comes back at the end of the day, she feels safe. She feels safe with her little boy. She says she can’t remember the last time she felt really safe.
I’ve seen ups and downs. One woman will be dancing and singing in chapel one day, and the next, she will break down, and tell me that she just needs out of here. She can’t take it. She wants to spend all her money, rent a car, and drive as far as possible. She’s still here, though, taking it day by day. I read her that verse in Lamentations about the Lord’s compassions being new every morning, and she literally wept.
I wrote, “I want to humble myself before others, and realize my own insignificance as I help them see their worth in the eyes of the creator.” It’s funny, humility was one of the things I wrote about the most at Urbana, but I don’t remember giving it much thought at all after I got back. Then, a few weeks before I left for Laura’s Home, I started praying and asking God what I ought to pray for before I came here. The clear and resounding answer: humility. Not boldness, or wisdom, or knowledge, or sweet evangelism skills. Humility.
And this week, the Lord is teaching more about love. I seriously love so many people here. There is this new woman here who must be less than 5 feet tall, with long greying hair, who walks around looking very confused and she shakes a lot. Last night, I saw her and just asked her how she was settling in. She gave a nondescript answer, and I didn’t think much of the encounter. But today, she sought me out, and asked to talk to me. She was very vulnerable with me, and needed help with something, and I was the only person who she felt comfortable asking. I got her what she needed, and she broke down in tears and I bent down and gave her this long hug and she kissed me on the cheek. I was overcome with compassion and love for her, because I realized that never in my life have I had to be completely alone. Satan has tried to convince me that I’m alone, but I never have been. This woman is utterly alone. Or she was. And I just want to show her love in every way possible so that she will know that she isn’t alone anymore.
I have a hundred more stories in my journal and in my head, all of which point to the Lord's amazing provision and compassion, but this blog is getting long. I’ll just say that the Lord is working here. There is nothing stagnant about this place. I’m getting stirred up. And I love it.
With the precious love of Christ,
Kate

Makeover?

Ok girls. Not to sound restless, but...I'm restless. I'm getting gloomy every time I see our blog with that gray and blue. It's very winter. You girls up for changing things around? Blogger's got some new options/maybe Kate could show one of us how to get all those templates she found (since I know you will hardly have time to makeover our blog, Kate). What do you all think? We could be as cool as this:

...yep, that's what pops up when you type in "cool" on google images. Well, that, a picture of a dog wearing pants and a headshot of L.L. Cool J. Whatever happened to him?

So extreme makeover blog edition? What do y'all think?

Chchchch-changes!

Okay, I honestly haven't checked this blog in weeks, so I had no idea that people were actually updating! I was pleasantly surprised to find blogs from all of you since I had last checked. Yay. Now to update you on my life...that is not an easy task. There are so many changes occurring right now that I don't even know where to begin. It seems like my life has not settled into a routine since I graduated college! Just when I thought a pattern may be developing, big changes happened again (neither of which I am complaining about). First, as most readers already know, I got engaged!! I am completely thrilled to be marrying the guy I've had feelings for since the 8th grade (which seems to be a trend around here...watch out Kate and Hannah). :) Gosh it feels good to be getting ready to marry him. But, of course along with that comes the stress of wedding planning. Every one of my friends who got married in the last couple years prepared me for this, and yet I haven't felt quite as overwhelmed as many of them seemed to be - with the exception being every time I look at The Knot website! According to The Knot, I have only completed 37 of my 152 "to do" list. Awesome, thanks for making me feel even more behind. Anyhoo, I am happy to say that despite The Knot's opinion, I feel fairly on top of the wedding planning. Toby and I are working on our registry this week, which is pretty fun, but has made me realize how little I have thought about the design for our future apartment. It would be nice if one of us had a strong opinion about lamps or blenders...

Another big piece of news is: I am switching jobs! Lisey, you don't know that yet, but I was planning on telling you when we finally stop playing phone tag. I know I've only been at my current job for two months, but last week I got called from a place where I interviewed in March that was not hiring at the time of my interview. They called and offered me a job right then and there! It's with a different mental health organization, and the job is a combination of social work and psychology. I will have a caseload consisting of clients with a wide range of needs, and I will work with them individually on issues like: job training, communication, social skills, mental health issues, parenting, finances, etc. This job is a Monday through Friday 9-5 job (as opposed to my ridiculously unpredictable schedule now), it pays more, has better benefits, and the work is a lot more in line with what I want to do. My current job has been fine, I don't hate it, but since I completed training and started the actual job - I realized that it's pretty boring. Aside from Sundays when I am at the residential center, I am only at the worksites "supervising" janitors who already know what they're doing and rarely have any issues. I basically get paid to sit online, play solitaire, and occasionally walk around the building and check in with people. I know, I know - some people would love getting paid to do nothing, but it just isn't my dream job, and this new offer was too good to pass up. I start my new job on June 21!

Well, that's the news update for now. Call me, beadies, if you want to chat more in depth. I miss you like crazy.

Love you all,

Heather Grace

This Blog Comes With A Preface.

So this blog comes with a preface. I wold like to start out by saying that my reasons for this post are all wrong. I felt guilty about not having posted in forever..I don't want to see another blog titled "Where is Hannah Grace?", and I am not writing because I have anything of particular importance to say. However, seeing as though you women are three of my best friends everr...I figured you would enjoy a glance into my life regardless. : )

I have been extremely antsy. Not only is this my first summer home/in the country in the past two years, but you are all nottt so close to me anymore. (Directionally that is.) It's really strange..as soon as summer really began for me this year, THAT is when I fully realized how busy and productive I had been the two previous summers. Kind of like I don't know howw sleep deprived I am until..I sleep in till 4pm the following day, lol. Anyways, I have been going to Cleveland just about every afternoon for my Criminology class which, as I told Elisa, is not exactly a challenge for me. We don't have anyy work to complete outside of class..we have an exam every other week..(which are ridiculously easy), and there ya go. The class is really interesting and my professor is awesome, I havve been learning new things. (Including; The state of Ohio houses the largest number of serial killers in the entire country). Whaaattt a shocker. When I'm not in class..I work some, and catch some sun. I'm just glad that I have Sara here with me! : )

Ok, enough with the downer Hannah vibes. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about this summer (even though it NEEEDSS to get hotter!! What the krunk?! Is this how it's been when I was gone?) Given my ridiculous amounts of free time, I have been reading like a madwoman, drawing (which is something I sorta slowed down on this past year), and spending time with my family. It's definitely going to be a summer of self reflection which is good..but can also be scary when I feel like I haven't had time this whole year to slow down and evaluate myself. Girls, I miss you all veryy much. It's gonna take a while for me to really process how different things are going to be for all of us now. We are all in totally different kinds of dynamics now, but I know that we'll be ok. : ) I'm praying for you three all the time. I love youu!!

p.s. -Call if you want any new creeper stories. I'm not even thinking of any in particular when I say this..but I know that there will be a fresh one whenever you call. You know my life. ; )

19.FISCHER.89

Married Life: the first 2 weeks

Hey Beady sisses! I'm glad to finally be back on here. It's at least one way I can communicate with you all when I miss you girls so much it hurts. I've been on this new adventure for two weeks and haven't had the chance to share any of it with any of you. I owe each of you a phone call soon. Not even so much "owe" as I'm going to go nuts if I don't at least talk to you girls soon.

Well, the wedding day was a blur. I had a blast, but I feel like I hardly saw any of you at all, even you, Hannah, and you were in it. I wish all three of you could have been in the wedding party. Whenever I saw you, Kate and Heathie, throughout the day, I felt like, "this doesn't seem right. They should be at this 'head table' with me too." I don't know if I ever really apologized to you girls for that. There was just no way Matt was going to scrounge up 2 more guys that were close enough for him to be worth having in the wedding though. I loved my party, but it would've been all the more wonderful if you two could've joined. But I suppose that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, marriage has been a joy so far. I think Matt and I are both even weirder when we're living together, which I think is a good thing--that we're both weird, I mean. (If I was the only one dancing ridiculously in the kitchen, it'd just be no fun.) It's funny, marriage seems so natural. In a lot of ways it feels so perfect that things must have always been this way, like it's impossible that there was I time when I didn't fall asleep next to the man of my dreams. So brace yourself, Heathie, for the best part of your life! I can already tell that marriage won't be easy, but the joys that come with it are guaranteed to outweigh even the worst of trials. Honestly, it doesn't seem fair that I get to be this happy!

We've already run into some bumps. The first day we got here, we discovered that we would only have a one bedroom apartment, our mattress wasn't delivered so we had to sleep on the floor, and we realized at about 10:30pm that we had no food to eat for lunch the next day. Honestly, it was one of the best days of my life. Even the annoying things are fun with Matt. I love married life!

Well, I'd better peace out for now. Matt's got to set up our router so we can have wireless internet. Woohoo! Well, call me some time this week girlies! I've got a home phone number now that I'll have to email you all, but just stick with the cell for now. I hope all of your summers are going wonderfully and I miss you all a ton! (Married life may be a blast, but I have no girls around!)

Peace and blessings. Peace and blessings.

:)

Living without excess... sort of.

Beadies, where are you?! :(

If we were the type of bloggers who labeled our blogs, I wonder how many I would have labeled "materialism."  Well, brace yourself. Because here comes another one.

I'm constantly being struck by the sheer volume of things that I have. But packing for Laura's Home is proving to be a humbling and frustrating venture. (Many things about my preparations for LH have been humbling, but that's something for another blog...)  I got my packing list in the mail, and it is short and simple. Bedding, towels, toiletries, modest summer clothing (including office casual clothes), swim suit, bible, journal, etc..  And I live so close that I am tempted to just under pack, because I can come home any time and get things. 

But I feel this tension. I need to bring office clothes and look nice, and I'm tempted to bring all my nice clothes, but there are so many of them. I'm imagining myself wheeling suitcases and laundry baskets full of things into this home for women who don't have homes, let alone a car full of things. So how simply can I live this summer, while still being professional and following dress code? There's a certain irony to my struggle. I have access to all this STUFF... and I'm trying to limit how much I bring for appearance's sake.  I don't want to appear vain, or rich, or clothing obsessed, which begs the question, am I?

How many colors of nail polish should I bring? How much jewelry? How many different scents of lotion? How many tops and skirts? How many shoes? How much can I cram in without seeming like I've brought too much? How much is actually too much? I want to live without excess. But I don't think that I even know what that really looks like. Well, maybe this summer, I'll find out.

a little summer

Summer.

As you all know, I am not as easily seduced by hot weather as most people. I don't particularly like feeling sticky, or sweaty, and I don't like wearing shorts. I certainly don't like sun burn, which is inevitable for me. I think there's a certain monotony to all-green leaves when compared to the vividness of autumn. But in the past couple of days, I can't help but be reminded of the magic of summer.

Summer gets my wheels turning. Summer is the time of year when I can go out and take photos of just about anything, and it turns out gorgeous. Because, oh, that sun!

Summer makes me drive places just for the heck of it, because I just want to sit and see it. Summer makes people start to buzz about things like camping trips, and long drives with windows down, and swimming pools. Summer is the time for big plans, and big spontaneity. Summer is full of the best check lists you can think of, with things like, "go to the drive in," "play beach volleyball," "have picnics," and so on. Summer means top-down convertibles, and ice cream, and sitting on balconies and patios till late, because the sun hasn't gone down yet, so who knows what time it is? Summer brings reading lists... the kind of books you read by the pool until the sun beating down makes you rest in between paragraphs.

This summer has started off right.  With a wedding, that put a smile on my face that hasn't gone away since. With quality time with friends. With a break.

I think one of the best things about getting older is that I look forward to more than just free time.  I remember relishing summer for its emptiness, and the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Now, I appreciate some structure.  I have a break now, but soon, I get to embark on this new challenge.  I get to experience new people, and learn new things. I get to do ministry in a new way.  I can't wait to get to Laura's Home, and I can't wait to see what the Lord wants to teach me this summer. Proverbs 4:18 says "the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day," and I can't get that image out of my head.  As I seek the Lord, and His plans, and His love, it's like stepping from winter, to spring, to summer. The days are longer. There are challenges.  But they are the most beautiful challenges.  So, summer, here I come!

Can I just say...

... I am not a democrat. But I have democratic tendencies. From time to time. And sometimes, that is not a safe thing to tell people. Especially Christian people. And that bugs me.

That is all.

VLOG time!

For some reason I talked really quietly in this video, but hopefully you can still hear me! Let me know if you can't hear me at all.

The rodents in my brain

Well ladies, it's been a while since I've blessed the blogosphere with my wisdom. Maybe that's because I've had little to give. Even now I don't really know what I'm writing about. Story of my current life. Living in a daze, unsure of what I'm doing, stressed to breaking point. But what good can I do complaining here about it? How will that help any of you, or even me, since I will surely walk away not relieved for having vented, but ashamed for having done. I don't want to be a whiner, and frankly it's who I am becoming. So easy it is to pout alone with my computer, lamenting over the fact that I have a lot to do and that life is not going as easily as I would like. How incredibly pathetic, I often write as I journal about worry. The same verse plunges back into me like a knife to my uterus:"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Fitting it should be in Matthew. My own Matthew seems to tell me this sort of thing on a daily basis.

And so instead of complaining about my woes, I want to question anxiety altogether. Why do we invite this stupid hamster running tirelessly on its wheel into our brain? It may pass the time to watch it, but he does little good at all and simply serves as an annoyance, a degradation of our true potential as the metal spokes of his wheel grate away the functioning bits of our minds. If nothing else, the rodent's constant movement stresses us out more (what if he gets hurt? what if he falls off? for pete's sake, why the crunk is he running?), and yet we ask him in, enticing him with a fat cake and a few carrots. Worry is an ignorant guest who poops all over our dreams.

And so I defer to what I have learned. To be honest, I don't know. I seldom know what I've learned about a situation until it's good and dead, over and through. Then, when I can reflect on the chaos, I can pinpoint what God was telling me, if only because I am no longer too distracted to notice his hand nudging me along. Currently, God has been replaced with an obnoxious rodent that may be the pet that every five-year-old wants to have, but is so not worth the extra work. Clearly this animal is destroying my brain considering I can't think of a better mental image than a hamster. My intelligence is going downhill. Stupid animal. It at least somewhat accurately portrays the unworthiness of what is replacing my God--my God who has created the infinite universe and the intricate cell.

Worry. How incredibly pathetic.

.e.l.i.s.a.

CSU Flash Mob

So, Hannah and I got to be in a flash mob today. Jealous? You should be. The video of what we did isn't up yet, and when it is, I will share. But, in the mean time, I found some of my all time favorite flash mob (or something like it) youtube videos, just to distract you from more important things.






Caution: these videos are addicting.

18 months.

That's how long I have told SIM that I will commit to.

18 months. A year and a half. 2012 is when I will be home. That means that I will never be in America during 2011 (Lord willing...). Sorry... just processing. Deep breath.

I've also started to get PRF's, which I think stands for Position Request Form. They are basically like job descriptions. They say things like: "India", "Bangladesh", "Kenya".... and "Transportation: Auto Rickshaw or Bike Rickshaw"... and "girls who have survived abuse, neglect, homelessness, broken homes, and other wounds from poverty"... and "bring $200 if you want to go on a safari". Deep breath.

I also realized today that because I don't have to take any final exams (although I have 4 final papers standing between me and graduation), I will be basically done with school in 2 weeks. Whew. Deep breath.

Dates like May 15th, May 22, June 1-Aug 15th, Sept 8-11, Oct 23-Nov 6 all ring in my brain as some of the potentially most life changing dates of my life (or some other people's lives... wait, is a beady getting MARRIED?) and as they roll around in my head, I can't figure out whether or not they're real, or how quickly they will come. Deep breath.

I'm buying books about support raising, and about coping with stress on the mission field, and realizing that I'm actually doing this. Deep breath.

All I can say is, it's a good thing the Lord knows what He's doing, because I certainly don't.

Deep breath.
deep breath.
deep breath.

Hallelujah

Why hello beadies! I'm terribly sorry for my absence, I really just haven't been in the mood to post my doldrum of a life. lol. I really have been just busy with school lately, as some of you know..dealing with well..other relational problems. haha I have however been getting really excited about this wedding business Elissaaa! : ) My 21st birthday is also coming up here shortly (soo strange, does that make you all feel older?)

Oh man, lately I've been very antsy. Really just about my future, which isn't a new concept to me but...it's so different now. Now that I've really felt God move in me and make clear many things that He wants to see in my life..I really just want to get TO it! lol Like..I really have never felt so strongly about specific goals, but..not even look at them as goals. I really do see them as my future realities. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that these things will take place and be used to further God's kingdom. It totally pumps me up, but again...I just wish I was ready to jump right into it. I know there are somme things I could be doing now, while I'm finishing up my Sociology/(soon to be) Criminology major..but I'm ready to be actually DOING them.

Also, I've been very encouraged at school this year particularly in the form of our Campus Crusade. As Katie and I are well aware...our group started off this year with about 3 or 4, and praise God we now have a consistant 10! As you girls are fully aware, I am constantly getting vibes. Whether these vibes be from people..or places. Right now, I just have suchh an energetic vibe that really just tells me everyday how much God is ready to use Cleveland in a BIG way. Knowing and feeling this, I truly believe that we...students at Cleveland State University..are to be used. Soo..needless to say, I'm VERY excited and passionate about continuing this movement on our campus next year (even thought Katesters will no longer be at CSU) : (. Well girls, I love you all three veryyy much, and praise God for you constantly. God is moving in us four in very powerful ways for His glory and kingdom, there is no denying it. Praise God and Hallelujah.