While looking through some old journal entries this week, I was realizing how some of the things that I had started praying for months ago have recently been answered in ways I didn’t necessarily expect. I was looking at some journaling I did at Urbana, mostly about my feelings, fears, and expectations about my future in international missions. I don’t think I knew what I was really writing then, because I don’t remember feeling particularly convicted by any of it. But regardless, God has been so faithful in bringing those things to fruition right here at Laura’s home. When I was at Urbana, Laura’s Home was not even really on my radar, and yet, here I am living missionally, and doing ministry incarnationally.
I wrote, “I want to dwell with people of the world who do not know the Lord.” Here I am, quite literally dwelling with people from all different backgrounds. Some know the Lord. Some don’t. One of the coolest things about living here, is that even in the past three weeks, I have seen transformation happen before my eyes. I have seen people coming in the doors for the first time, looking exhausted, and scared out of their minds. I have seen those same people settle in, meet make-shift friends, learn the ropes, and something in their eyes changes. They don’t look scared anymore. I had one woman tell me that here, when she comes back at the end of the day, she feels safe. She feels safe with her little boy. She says she can’t remember the last time she felt really safe.
I’ve seen ups and downs. One woman will be dancing and singing in chapel one day, and the next, she will break down, and tell me that she just needs out of here. She can’t take it. She wants to spend all her money, rent a car, and drive as far as possible. She’s still here, though, taking it day by day. I read her that verse in Lamentations about the Lord’s compassions being new every morning, and she literally wept.
I wrote, “I want to humble myself before others, and realize my own insignificance as I help them see their worth in the eyes of the creator.” It’s funny, humility was one of the things I wrote about the most at Urbana, but I don’t remember giving it much thought at all after I got back. Then, a few weeks before I left for Laura’s Home, I started praying and asking God what I ought to pray for before I came here. The clear and resounding answer: humility. Not boldness, or wisdom, or knowledge, or sweet evangelism skills. Humility.
And this week, the Lord is teaching more about love. I seriously love so many people here. There is this new woman here who must be less than 5 feet tall, with long greying hair, who walks around looking very confused and she shakes a lot. Last night, I saw her and just asked her how she was settling in. She gave a nondescript answer, and I didn’t think much of the encounter. But today, she sought me out, and asked to talk to me. She was very vulnerable with me, and needed help with something, and I was the only person who she felt comfortable asking. I got her what she needed, and she broke down in tears and I bent down and gave her this long hug and she kissed me on the cheek. I was overcome with compassion and love for her, because I realized that never in my life have I had to be completely alone. Satan has tried to convince me that I’m alone, but I never have been. This woman is utterly alone. Or she was. And I just want to show her love in every way possible so that she will know that she isn’t alone anymore.
I have a hundred more stories in my journal and in my head, all of which point to the Lord's amazing provision and compassion, but this blog is getting long. I’ll just say that the Lord is working here. There is nothing stagnant about this place. I’m getting stirred up. And I love it.
With the precious love of Christ,
Kate
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