all you need is love....languages

(Please excuse the grammatically incorrect title. I had to -rather painfully- sacrifice my grammar for the sake of the word play. You win some, you lose some. Sue me.)

Well hello lovelies, it's been too long. Ladies of my life, I've been at school for only two days and already I am missing you three like crazy. I'm desperately homesick. Since I've gotten here I've felt very little excitement and a great deal of loneliness. Like I said, it has only been two days, but I've been pretty overwhelmed nonetheless. But this wasn't meant to depress you. What I wanted to tell you was this: physical touch is hands down, without question, absolutely my primary love language. It might not seem to connect with what I was just saying, but after a bout of crying into the bathroom stall in our student corum after blurting out to Matt how depressed and alone I felt even when I was with people, I realized that my loneliness only extends as far as the hands away from me. In other words, no one has been touching me here. Ok, I know that sounds really strange and creepy, so let me clarify. For those of you who aren't touchy people, you might think that anyone who has "physical touch" as a love language means they're constantly with their significant other, constantly sitting on people's laps and giving an unnecessary number of hugs. Although those are all manifestations of this language, they're only a very select few. I realized about 2 hours ago that I can play games with people and even have good conversations with them and feel loved; but I feel a thousand times more special when someone touches me while they're talking, scratches my back as they walk by, hugs me for no reason or puts a head (well, you know, their head--not just a head----that'd be creepy) on my shoulder. Since I've been at school, I haven't really had that. It may be partially because my friends aren't quite so thirsty for human contact, but even more just because all of us early-arrivers are intensely busy. Honestly though, just coming to these conclusions has made me feel a world of relief. It's good to know that I don't have the disease of depression and that I am not experiencing some sort of PMS on crack (sorry, male readers). And you know, as I think about it, I'm beginning to really like having this love language. Up until now I've kind of ignored my knowledge about my number one love language because, as many of you still may think, I thought it sounded weird--the love language that's just some sort of an excuse for promiscuity or something. But it isn't that at all. When I get a hug from another member of the body, it's as if the very arms of God are wrapping around me. Touch is such a tangible and satiable way to experience the love of God. Do we not all feel needed, special, loved and comforted when someone we love grabs us up in an embrace? When close friends feel comfortable enough around us to stroke our hair for no reason, to be our shoulder even in the absence of tears? Maybe not. Maybe that's just me; a "Feeler" as far as Myers-Briggs goes and a "Toucher" according to Dr. Gary Chapman.

Well, perhaps that was a little too deep for an online blog, but it seems as though we've all been fairly transparent. Hopefully this explains me a little bit more, but perhaps more importantly, I hope it may have helped one of you to understand yourselves better or someone around you better. For all of you hands-off, "acts of service" people, maybe you get a little more what's going on when your friend keeps slapping your shoulder or bear hugging you at seemingly random moments. Maybe you should just surprise them next time and "make the first move." Alright, now it sounds creepy again.

Anyone else have thoughts on their own love languages? Because I really don't understand a lot of them still, especially "acts of service" and "gifts." If you still aren't sure what I'm even talking about, try visiting this site or reading Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages. Boy does it explain a lot.

Ok, sorry for the inevitably long post. I love all you girls very much and do still miss you; maybe because I'm close enough to all three of you to be close. I wish virtual hugs actually enveloped you.

~e l i s a

boxes, boxes, everywhere...

My whole life is in boxes. Literally and figuratively.

I feel consumed with to-do lists, and I am coping by compartmentalizing. For example, I realized today, while reading this book about missions that I just started, that I have put God in a box. It's like I said to him, "well, I'm too busy to be bothered with thinking about you most of the time, so I'll pencil you in, but if I don't get around to spending time with you, please help things to work out for me anyway." So I put God in this box that is far too small and dark to contain him, and then got mad at him when he wasn't constantly sending down signs from the heavens about what my future is supposed to be. Sometimes I wonder where my logic comes from.

The worst thing about keeping God in a box that he is too small for is the same problem that I am having with all of my clothes being in boxes. I can't find anything, I forget what I actually have, and when I try to unpack, I end up just making a mess. I pull out various aspects of God when I need them, leaving the rest of Him safely packed away until I make room for him in the rest of my life.

This book that I'm reading talks about the motivation for missions. The author stresses that the primary motivation is not the Great Commission, although that is a part of it. The main reason for missions is that missionaries are so enamored with God that they want to worship Him ceaselesly, and they want to take the joy of that worship and communion with God to the ends of the Earth.

Lately I've made the mistake of acting like missions is some sort of duty and that flipping through different opportunities online is a chore. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to find out what next year holds for me, but the past few weeks, I really put God on the back burner during all of my decision making, and I got convicted about that today, and I'm ready to turn it around and let God fill my day again.

On another note, my computer was also in a box, which partially explains my prolonged absence here. I tried to do some makeover stuff to the blog, but got discouraged because on second glance, I realized I don't like any of the pictures I took. So, let's make it our goal of tomorrow night (today? It's very early on Tuesday...) to take a picture that can decorate our blog. I'm excited for our outing!

Love,
~Kate

My cup overfloweth

Well since I am in a new home, working a new (sort of) job, and at a fairly new place in life, I figured it was time for me to blog. Let me start out by saying I feel happier than I have felt in a very long time. It's not that I was unhappy before, but for the past few weeks, I have woken up every day filled with an irresistible joy and excitement for the day and for the future. This is big: I am finally not worrying about the future. Lately, I have been trying really hard to submit my plans to God. I still am not sure what I will do after I graduate (although I do have a little better idea), but I think I am finally feeling peace about it. The future is huge and bright and scary and full of promise all at the same time. But I finally realized...how awesome is it that the future is not in my control? Thank GOD that it does not all depend on me and my choices. I am sure that if it was up to me, I would mess it up big time. But you know what? I fully trust that God has an incredible adventure planned for me. I hope this doesn't sound conceited or prideful, like I think I deserve some really fantastic life - that's not it at all. In fact, I am certain that my life will not be easy or comfortable, which is honestly fine by me. I just truly believe that if I submit my will to His, then He will lead me through some incredible life experiences, because He loves me. He knows what I can handle, what will break me, when I need to be broken, and how to help me pick up the pieces. God has brought people into my life who love Him and love me enough to make sure I don't lose my mind or my faith. And to you, those people, I am forever thankful! I hope you know who you are.

I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed with some pretty strong emotions right now. The main emotion is thankfulness. I'm thankful for people, for God's timing, for the fact that I can be completely dependent on Him and that I don't need to try life alone. Whew. I have been very blessed, and I don't know why God chose to give me all that He has given. I just know that I need to accept it with humility. Pride vs. humility - that is another whole lesson right there, one that I need to continually work on...

Anyway, I hope you were at least a little encouraged by my ramblings. I am pretty much overflowing with thoughts and feelings all swirling around in my head. Hopefully I can share some more of them with you all in person very soon!

Love always,
Heather

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATE! now let's get movin'.

Kate, it is officially your GOLDEN birthday today! Congrats on finally getting the opportunity to stop lying about your age (don't be take it too personally--Matt said the same thing to me).

To everyone who is not having a birthday today, aloha, and welcome to your normal day. Does anyone find that it's really easy for time to fly past when you have a day off? I have just a few days before I go back to school, in which I need to do the following: shop for apartment necessities; pack; read two books; write a five page paper; pack; copyright my music; paint my room; meet with various friends; pack; go to the bank so I can be reminded just how much my account has been depleted since I paid my tuition check; call a few key Cornerstone people; prepare for being a Sherpa; right, and I still have to pack. I know it doesn't actually seem like this stuff should be overwhelmingly difficult, but let me give you an idea of how I spend my time on the days I have off that I should probably be doing all this. This is what I've done so far (not necessarily in this order) yesterday and today (free days): took all of the things out from under my bed; was overcome by an allergy attack due to all the dust in my room; organized all of my crafts; accidentally led the Talmage dog into the pool; watched 6 episodes of Boy Meets World; read my Bible aloud; read the Message aloud; went on facebook; talked to Heather; saw Harry Potter 6; ate pizza; tried on clothes (not new clothes, just clothes in my closet--who does this?); went through every old graduation card I received two years ago and found five dollars; went through every other birthday card I've acquired over the last 12 years because I have pathetically kept them all to provide some sort of pick-me-up as a 20 year-old, as if the same note to my 8 year-old self would now apply; dreamed something about Hannah. I will inevitably continue dawdling (as I am now) until Wednesday, the day before I leave, when I stay up 'til obscene hours in the night, muttering to myself about how I never have time to finish all I need to. I've got plenty of time. Why is it so hard to fill it productively?

Well, that's about it with Elisa for now. If anyone wants to call and make sure I'm on task, it'd be much appreciated. My mother and I are increasingly convinced that we both suffer from severe Attention-deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. God help us all--and maybe send some Ritalin.

Thank goodness SOMEONE is thinking about these things!

First of all, this blog is shamefully naked as of late. And you are all safely at home in the states...I was expecting to see a little somethin somethin posted! :)

Secondly, and more importantly, you NEED to check out this website:
http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html

It will make your day.

Love.

Recap

Hello friends!

So much has happened since I last blogged, and yet I am struggling to find the right words to say. I guess I should start with my slightly hilarious, slightly disastrous bus ride to Minnesota. About 4 hours after I wrote my last blog in Panera, I was literally sprinting down the streets of Chicago (6 blocks to be exact) with my backpack on my back and purse hanging around my neck. What happened was that I missed my bus. Embarrassingly. I had the wrong time for my Chicago-Minneapolis bus, and even though I was only off by about 15 minutes, I still COMPLETELY missed it. I was spending some time with a friend of mine downtown, and when he was on his way to drop me off at the bus stop, we saw MY bus driving away. We were still a good 5 minutes from the bus, and unfortunately, my luggage was in a locker in Union Station. So even though we literally drove behind my bus for a few blocks, it was pointless, because I didn't have my stuff with me. This is where the sprinting down the street comes into play. Just in case there was some mistake, I had him drop me off on the corner of what I thought was only 3 blocks from the bus stop...and turned out to be at least 6 blocks. Then he continued to follow the bus for a few minutes to see if it was going to turn around for some reason (it didn't). So, a very out-of-shape Heather finally gets to empty bus stop around the time I thought I was supposed to leave. I don't think I can capture my emotions at that moment in words, but you can imagine the panic that was overwhelming me. Not fun. Surprisingly, I did not cry (it was more of a helpless moan), but instead calmly gathered my luggage and waited for my friend to return. Eventually, after much debate, I bought a plane ticket for 6:30 am the next day (this was around midnight) and he dropped me off at the airport. I still can't believe that I stayed awake that whole night, and I will gladly give all glory to God for keeping me alert. I believe that He even sent 3 Mexican college students to help me feel safe and help the time pass. They were on their way back to Mexico after studying at Notre Dame for a month, and their English was very good. I talked with them for about 3.5 hours and we had some really interesting conversations! :) Anyway, I finally arrived to Minnesota in one piece and had a nice long nap at my dear friend's house. 

After that adventurous beginning to the trip, the rest of the week was filled with its own "adventures." It wasn't exactly a restful vacation, but I would definitely say that the sleep was sacrificed for MUCH better uses of my time. It was great to see old friends and to...continue to grow closer to those that I've known for a long time. I was able to see God working in brand new (or old, depending on how you look at it) ways, surprising me with His timing yet again. It was a very encouraging trip, and I'm so thankful that I was able to go. Maybe as a result of this trip, I am feeling so much more motivated to pursue Christ and really seek out His will for my life. I know that's pretty typical to say for someone in my life situation (about to graduate college), but I really do mean it. I have a little more specific direction for what I need to pray about this year, and I think I really needed this summer to get me where I am. 

Alright, well I need to go. I'm moving back to school TOMORROW! I love you all and cannot wait to see you (Hannah)!

Under Construction

Haha... uh... so I was experimenting with some new layout stuff. And my HTML programming abilities are a little rusty, as in, I haven't used them since 8th grade computer class, and even then, I wasn't that awesome at it. So, I'm working on it. Try to ignore the weird format until I can get it figured out. At the very least, I can just put it back the way it was....

Anxious Peace?

Myyy sisters. First Heather and Katie, I absolutely loved watching that blog. We literally just got back from our stay at the "quinta" (yes Katie, you were correct with the spelling) which was super relaxing and just an awesome time to unwind from everything God has thrown at us this summer. Though I was so peaceful while there, I couldn't help being anxious to just get home and see all of you. So it really made my day when I realized there was a new vlog waiting for me!! : ) Though I have to admit, it made me miss you women soo much. Ok, so I'm about to get a little sappy.

    As I was watching that vlog, so many thoughts went through my mind. That I missed you immensely, and how much we have all grown together were the two thoughts that really took over. You two just even LOOK different, and as I pondered that, it dawned on me (not to sound like a grandma or anything..) how fast we're all growing up! ha. Ok. Enough of that. 

    So, last week we went to help at a kids camp. It was...trying for me. lol. I'm glad that our site director made us do it, but as I thiink you know?...I don't do very well with small children. I was  a bit out of my element. haha. I kept saying things like, "middle school and up! Middle school and up please!" because that's usually all I can handle. The first night there was pretty intense, we were basically in the boonies of Mexico...the power went out in the entire "pueblo" ha, and...yea. I'll have to describe in more detail when I actually see you all. 

   All in all though, this has been such a different summer than I what I thought it was gonna be, and in all the good ways. God really knew what He was doin with this one because it was just what I needed in order to figure a lot of things out. Well girls, Heather...I hope you had...have? (sorry I am really bad with days and dates down here) a good relaxing time in MN! I miss you sooo much twin!! Katie, again...you better be at the airport upon my arrival, and I cannot wait to be our old married couple selves again! Maybe a bit more loving this time though. lol! Elisa, ohhh my. I am counting down the days of this last week that I'm here! I can't wait to see you again sister. 

I love you all sisters, 

Hannah Grace

You're not a slave anymore

Well I suppose it's about time I posted something to my Beady Beady sisters. It's been a bit too long. And now that I finally have internet access, the possibilities are endless!! (Don't worry, I won't go on for that long.)

So I'm finally home from Cedar Campus. I say finally with a grain of salt, knowing how badly I miss the intense leadership training and alone time with the Lord, but also out of excitement to be back to my friends and family. At the end of InterVarsity Leadership Institute (otherwise known as IVLI), the director told us jokingly to go back and tell everyone it was the best training we'd ever received in any area. He was joking around, but I can honestly say I have never experienced anything quite so challenging, quite so moving or quite so needed. It's strange because I think I only half knew it while I was there, but it was only hours after I arrived home that I was on the verge of tears (and eventually flooded them out on top of Matt...poor guy) and had to continuously excuse myself from the dinner table to take a breath and pray. I know that sounds pretty weird, but after a month of time spent growing in the Lord and talking almost exclusively about the spiritual, it was a little overwhelming to be back in the setting of a normal home. More than that, the whole of July I have been increasingly convicted and confronted with different things I need to work on and change in order to best serve the Kingdom and the King. When I got home, I felt so confronted with all of that, as if I had to accomplish it all in one day and suddenly be a totally new and close to perfect person. I was completely overwhelmed, as I have said. Of course, once I started word vomitting all of this all over Matt, he was able to cool me down and remind me that my month away was not so that I would come home thinking I'm a terrible person and a failure. That was not God's plan and still isn't. After a few more wise words from Matthew, I felt peace sweep over me. And I have never believed more deeply the truth of God's goodness.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure this emotional aftermath is not over. I'm not sure what all is going on in my mind and heart, but it's never felt more bizarre to be back home. I'm excited, though. I can't wait to go back to Cornerstone and to start making changes on campus. I have never been so excited to learn about the Lord and I can't wait to start putting all I've learned into practice. Thank God for people like Matt who put me in my place and remind me that I'm not expected to do all this overnight, that the Lord works less often in quick jerks and more often in slow, continual tugs. On a slightly tangential note, I have a tendancy to let past sins take me over through shame and a sense of failure. I have to be reminded regularly that I'm not a slave to sin anymore-not to past sins or present ones. How very freeing it is to know that the prison doors are open. All I have to do is walk out.

Sorry if this largely does not make sense. My mind has been a bit frantic as of late, in case you didn't notice. It's been working overtime most days for a month, so it's getting increasingly difficult to shut it off or direct it. Praise the Lord he can sort through it all no problem. Ok, in a rash act of discipline, I am shutting up. I love you all so much. I can't wait to see you all soon!

In Christ Alone,
Elisa

P.S. I recorded 5 more songs while I was at Cedar :) K, now it's about time I got that copyright stuff in motion...

I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssss much.

Last week, I wrote a beautiful blog. I swear, it might have been the best one I ever wrote. (I'll just let you think that...) And then I lost it in the great abyss called the internet. (I'm tempted to be like Heather and say "Screw PC's... I'm getting a Mac," but I don't actually have money, so that's not really an option.)

So, instead of that artful blog, you get this random jumble of thoughts, which is what I always do anyway.

On Friday, I went to a dinner at the church for all of the youth leaders. David Boerema called me a week or so ago and asked if I would come, and, as he put it, "Share a testimony of what the youth ministry did in my life." I didn't really know what to expect. Well, it turns out that Matt Talmage (you might know him...) and I were there representing the "former students," as he kept calling us. I have to say that I am really glad I went. Oh man, I almost cried a couple of times throughout the night, because it turned out that most of the time was open for any of the leaders, current students, or families who were invited to share highlights of the year for them.

As I sat there listening to stories from leaders who pour their lives into middle and high school kids, I couldn't help but remember how wonderful my experience with the youth group was. Sure, I had my ups and downs with the youth group, but what high school kid doesn't have ups and downs?! But seriously, how amazing is it that we graduated high school with a pretty good idea of what the Bible teaches, and a clear picture of what it looks like to talk about Jesus with our friends who have never heard of having a relationship with him? I am so grateful for the leaders that I had in High School who prayed for me, prayed with me when I was crying over what now seem like girlish problems, taught me, and were transparent with me about what they were going through and what God was teaching them. I am so grateful to Dave for his dedication to preaching the Word even when it meant dealing with tough issues or taking the chance of sounding not so nice. Youth Group can so easily be nothing more than a social outlet, but our Youth Group was so much more than that; I honestly feel like I spent most of my high school years truly experiencing the Body of Christ! I don't know hardly anyone who is still as close with friends from high school as I am with you four girls, and I think that is due, at least partially, to our youth group.

I am also just so grateful for each of you. You have each played such a part in shaping who I am, and being away from you for a while this summer has only magnified that. It's like, when I was away from everyone that I know, I realized how big a part of my life they are because I missed them.... if that makes sense.

This summer, while I was at the Bennetches, sometimes after breakfast, Sarah and I would just sit and chat for a bit. One of the conversations that we had, that I will probably always remember, was one where Sarah told me that when she first became a missionary, someone told her, "Wow, I could never do that. I could never be away from my family and friends for that long." I don't remember what she said to the person who said that, but she told me that it's not that she is really independent and doesn't miss her family. But for the Lord, it's worth it. And for some reason, hearing that was like letting out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. I guess in my head, I sort of thought that when the time came to leave, wherever it is that God might take me, I would just have to tough it out, and learn to be independent. But seriously, what was I thinking?! Where in the bible does it say that you have to just tough it out and that you're on your own? NOWHERE! No, God has called me to do something. He knows exactly where I'll be a year from now, and he knows exactly what I'll be going through. And he will minister to my family and friends while I'm gone, and HE will take care of it. I will probably miss people so much as to bring myself to tears, but for God, and only God, it's worth it. I am so blessed with such a wonderful family, both biological and spiritual, and I don't think I'd be even thinking about being a missionary if it weren't for the encouragement of each of you. It's a bit of a paradox, actually. But I'm not leaving yet... so I'll try to avoid getting all sappy... as if the first part of this blog wasn't sappy!

To end, I will share a passage that I know pretty well, but have rediscovered in the Message, and I hope it brings you encouragement.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

You came to take us, all things go...To recreate us, all things grow.

Hello from the windy city!

I am currently sitting in Panera downtown Chicago for my "layover" between buses. It has been a very pleasant day so far. I didn't get much sleep last night, but I was able to nap quite a bit during my 6 hour ride to Chicago AND I got 2 homework assignments done today! Woo-hoo. For those of you who don't know, I am taking a summer class online and am quite a bit behind on my homework...big shocker there. :) Now I just have a couple more hours before my next bus ride and then I will finally be in Minneapolis! Needless to say, I am very excited. 

Yesterday was my final day at The City Mission and at the country club. I was pretty sad about leaving the mission and pretty happy to be done with the club! After my very work-filled summer, I am just ready to have a week to relax and spend time with old friends. Once I get home from MN, I only have 4 days until I move in to my apartment at school!! Wow, I can't believe how fast this summer has gone. I know I keep saying this, but I honestly feel like it has been the fastest one ever. Maybe it's because the end of college is approaching so quickly and in the back of my mind there is the constant FUTURE?! thought. Maybe. Anyway, I don't have any deep philosophical questions to ponder today, I just felt like blogging a little about my super thrilling(?) life. 

Sisters, I am so encouraged by my talks with each of you this summer. It seems like God is really laying some deep lessons on our hearts and I am so thankful that we are able to support each other through it all. I'm looking forward to talking with Lisey and Hannah in person, because I am sure there will be much to say! And Katie, I am so thankful that I could see you this past week - even if it was only for a short amount of time. :) I love you all.

Heather