Less Speech Creates More Words

Alright you beautiful women, I'm sorry for not blogging in a while. My life has been a bit of a whirlwind and in the midst of all of it, I have decided there is something wrong with me. So get ready girls, because this blog is about to be an outpouring of thoughts and fears that I've been harboring for a while now. It's literally as if I'm fighting against my own being so that who I am/ even my personality doesn't quickly slip away from me. There have been several factors to what I call "The New Hannah". One, I can't sleep...I don't go a single night where I don't have a nightmare of some kind. These are usually about me being abducted, injured, a loved one being injured, or just being chased by someone. I wish it stopped there though. These nightmares are so intense and horrible, that I've actually been having night terrors. My mom literally on a semi regular basis has to come running into my room and wake me up out of these awful dreams because she hears me screaming out loud. I also sometimes have lucid dreams..where my body is awake..I am aware that I am awake..yet I am stuck mentally in a nightmare. Therefore, it feels like my entire body is paralized and I feel myself trying to push through to consciousness. Sooo that's that!

Another aspect of me feeling different is my lack of social life. However, it's not as though I never have opportunity to be social, I just have absolutely no desire. And yes..I know that sounds like depression or something! But honestly..I don't feel depressed (I for sure can know that)...I don't feel stressed at all..so why am I all of a sudden so introverted? This is also another reason why I'm super excited that it's about the end of the semester, because being around that many people all the time was becoming unbearable. I find that I get really anxious and uncomfortable when I'm around both large anndd small groups of people. Soo in general..groups. This makes no sense to me..the old Hannah was pretty social, enjoyed people's company.

The last aspect of my seemingly new lifestyle..is my lack of appetite. Literally I forget to eat because I have absolutely nooo hunger! I haven't craved anything in..I don't even know how long. So its like...I eat..but it's become so chore-like that it bothers me. Wow..this really is sounding more and more like depression! Ahh but I'm telling you it's not. It's like..I dont feel sad or mad...but I'm becoming a very apathetic person.

Anyways, I really didn't want to be the downer here...but that's really all that I've been thinking about lately and just had to let you all know. On a happier note, I have been having a great time working...and on a completely unrelated note, have basically decided TO in fact cut all my hair off! Like..soon! lol. I am really excited and exhilerated by the idea and have been talking Katie's ear off about it. : ) Soo I want feedback on something (mainly from twin and sister). Should I wait till you two come home to cut it? Or shall I surprise you!? lol I really just want someone else to make this decision for me so that I don't keep putting it off. Well, I love you all verryy much and don't know what I would do without your friendship. Can't wait for you all to be in my arms...at once! It's gonna happen. : )

God's Beloved,

Hannah Grace