In the spaces.

Well, I haven't been here in a while. Maybe because I've been so busy that I haven't even been able to process my own thoughts, let alone get them into a coherent enough fashion to post them for the world to read.

So, rather than try to convey to you the mess in my head right now, I will tell you a few things that have been giving me solace, entertainment, or just making me happy.


Foods of autumn: acorn squash, pecans, apples, pears.

Maybe I'm just way late on finding out about this but I love the idea behind it. The last couple of Sundays, I've looked forward to getting home and seeing what he posts. If you're intrigued, but confused, like I was, Wikipedia explains it pretty well. Tonight, Jon and I went to Barnes and Noble and checked out one of the actual books... so fascinating.

Jogging/ walking (I am so not a runner...) in early autumn warmth and seeing sunsets.

Cooking with curry. A few times a week. Oh, gosh I love it.

Finally reading The Same Kind of Different as Me.

Having eggs for breakfast.

Listening to classical music on the radio.



Don't let the list fool you. I'm entirely consumed with work/school right now. This is just how I cope.

Oh, and short sweet visits from good friends always helps!

Love,
Kate

Post Script: What's making you happy lately?

Oh the Rollercoaster of Life...

So, I really don't know where to start with this post. It's semi late at night, I'm tired, and instead of just journaling my thoughts for the day and then slipping into a mini coma like I usually do at night, I decided to share whats on my mind with my sisters. Preface; this blog may just make absolutely no sense to you three at all...so I'm sorry for that.

Well, I guess I'll just start out by saying that it has for sure been an exhausting past couple of weeks. I've been through not only physical sicknesses one after another, but I'd say emotional sicknesses as well. Now, don't freak out by that statement but I think its a good way to describe the emotional ups and downs and ultimately mass confusion that's been clouding my vision as of late. There really is a lot that I'm more willing to open up about now, especially after hearing people speak on the matter...reading some material, and talking to those who are strong and stable in their faith. So I hope that I can have the opportunity of talking with you girls about it eventually.

One of the struggles I've been dealing with lately is my emotional dependence on other humans. Now, that sounds weird as I type it because it's like..what..as opposed to other animals? But really it's been a problem. I find that when something is wrong in my life I automatically go running for help to those around me when in reality the only one who truly understands me, who can fulfill me emotionally, and who can completely heal me is God. But you know what? It's soo much easier to run to what is seen, to those who appear to be able to "relate" simply because they are humans as well. Therefore they must be able to know your pain right? Wrong. Yes, it's important to have other christians around you for support and for encouragment. However, that relationship (I have learned) can only go so far. There is only so much love that you can receive from that person. Their love, and time, and knowledge only goes so far. It's just the way things are. That is definitely why I have been feeling so lonely this year even though I am surrounded with people who "love" me. Yea, they do...and I'm so thankful to have them in my life, but the kind of love they can provide is NOT the kind of love I need. And that's something that has been extremely and excrutiatingly difficult for me to swallow. It's like time and time again I am let down by those around me, and again and again I am surprised? I shouldn't place such incredibly high expectations on the ones that love me...the humans that love me. They are unrealistic.

Anyways, as depressing as that all was...ha, it's been good for me to realize this hard truth because I feel like that way I can't get as hurt along my inevitably emotional path of life. In a lot of ways really dont feel like the same person I was only 2..3 weeks ago. That sounds ridiculous, but I've been learning so much about myself (mostly things I didnt want to know, ha) and even still would like to continue working through them and growing more in Christ everyday.

The Importance of Rest

One of the biggest struggles I have been dealing with this semester is time. Specifically, I have been very conflicted with how to best spend my time, and not necessarily because I have to balance all of these huge time commitments; rather, I have a huge LACK of time commitments. This is definitely a first for me. It took me awhile to pinpoint what exactly I was struggling with, and when I finally realized that my problem was simply having free time, I was quite stunned. Since middle school, I have been so involved in sports, activities, youth group, church, homework etc., that I have NEVER had gaps in my day in which there was literally nothing I had to do. I honestly think this is the first time in the last 10 years that my schedule has been so open. And here’s the kicker: it has taken me a good solid month to be OKAY with that. My initial response to having an open schedule was to fill it, or at least make sure that I was with other people socializing or being somewhat productive in that time. I felt guilty for having free time. But you know what? I don’t think that is healthy. I don’t think that God would want me to feel guilty for simply having hours each day to stop, sit, rest, or read. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that I think God is blessing me this semester with the gift of time. He knows that this is my final semester of college and that I have a LOT on my mind, and maybe he is giving me this time to take a step back from the busyness of life in order to reflect on the past 3 (or maybe even 21) years. I am guessing that after this January, my life will pick back up with many different time commitments, and it will not be so easy for me to stop, rest, and reflect. Although honestly, after this semester, I think I am going to make that more of a regular part of my life – even with the busyness.

Here’s the thing...I am still struggling with this. I still feel a natural inclination to be busy and fill up my time with things that I don’t really need to do. Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that I have completely stopped caring about relationships or classes (although my concern for school has definitely decreased – thank you, senioritis). It’s just that I am starting to look forward to those times in my day when I have the option of taking a nap, reading a book for FUN, or just having some good old fashioned Heather-time. I am still driven to use my time productively, but I am also aware that I have enough time in my day for both homework and relaxing. It’s quite a fantastic feeling!

Anyway, I hope that was at least a little encouraging to you. I would really advise anyone who feels like busyness is taking over your life to make the most of those free periods in your day…take a nap! Read a book! Call a friend! Blog! ;)

I love you, my sisters, and I hope to talk to you soon!

Heather Grace

Sex: The Trade

Hi ladies. Sorry my posts have been somewhat somber lately. But here we go again. I sort of told you girls already that I've been thinking a lot about the sex trade lately. I had this horrendous dream that I won't get into here about sex trafficking and the industry has been on my mind ever since. Not so much the industry actually; more like the hundreds of thousands of girls being exploited every day. This isn't a new issue to me, but my eyes are open wider than they've ever been toward it. Here's an entry from my journal the other day:

October 6, 2009

I’m having a hard time concentrating today. I know that happens a lot, but today I’m especially distracted by that churning stomach feeling that something’s not right. I can’t get over that dream I had about sex slavery. It’s not that I’m really thinking about the dream, I’m just thinking about trafficking in general. I didn’t think about it for most of the day yesterday. I guess I figured if I didn’t think about it, it would go away. As if a global trauma issue were dependent on my belief as to whether or not it exists. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s my unconscious attempt to not feel passion about something I don’t know how to stop. And how am I to stop it? What is a twenty-year-old Caucasian, poor female supposed to do? I keep asking myself this with the hope that the answer will come: “You’re right, Elisa. Let someone else do it. You can go back to living as you please.” But this simply has not happened. And I don’t believe it will.

A few facts (courtesy of IJM):

• The total market value of illicit human trafficking is estimated to be in excess of $32 billion (U.N.)
• Each year, more than 2 million children are exploited in the global commercial sex trade (UNICEF)
• 1 in 5 women is a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. (U. N. Development Fund for Women)
• Human trafficking is the world's third largest criminal enterprise, after drugs and weapons. (U.S. Department of State)
  

I'm not sure where all this is headed, but I pray that the Lord would direct me. I've been in touch with a man who's speaking at Urbana on the issue and hope to find some avenues through him. Pray for direction if you think of it. Peace, sisters. I love you all dearly.

-e l i s a

Fall is here!

Pictures taken by yours truly.

Hannah's Back in the Gaamme!

Alright ladies...I'm so sorry that my blogging insecurities have kept me away for so long. I guess I'll just have to trust that my weird stories and random life thoughts will have to sufice! ha. Anyways, I'm sitting in the library with Kate right now..and basically just almost peed my pants because of something she did. When I think about it, we really are just like legit sisters..we fight..we laugh till we pee..we fight some more. And though I consider youu Elisa and Twin sisters as well, I feel like they each hold different meaning. lol. Either way..I love you all. We are just chatting about the fall retreat we're about to attend this weekend! I'm super pumped for it. Now that we've been there for two years in a row and have met soo many people, it's fun to look forward to traditions we've started with them. For me..this means..yes...the girls vs. guys intensely awesome late night basketball game. For Katie..I'm not quite sure. ; )

Well, lately I've been busy with school work and trying not to get too stressed. OHH jeez..kate is currently standing in front of me demonstrating the differnt ways she's learned to wear a scarf..and let me tell you..I"m not impressed. haha! "Katie! That's the nastiest bow!" Anyways, I really AM loving all of my classes (with the exception of my online Physical Geography class...THATT can suck it.) haha sorry, anywho..I have news! Well..I think it's just news for Heather actually, but I would like to make it official. This coming spring..I am cutting my hair off. You heard me! Allll of it. I"m goin super short, and donating it all (there will def be a lot to give by then!). I am honestly just sick of my hair..its falling out...i'm basically a silver fox now..and..its just a lott of hair! So that's that. I'm really excited about it, though I've decided to just stop asking people's opinion on the matter because they've been so mixed. Oh, and let me just tell you..when I say cut all my hair off..I dont mean a buzz cut or something. lol. However, it will be short like..mm..idk...i'll just have to send you all a pic example. ( Ok..sorry..tangent...Kate is telling me about the book..Deanie!! Heatherr! Make her stop! Ahh Ahh!) Ok, I'm back from that discustingness. Whew.

Alright, well I really wish we could all be together and was super depressed when Kate and I foudn out we couldnt do group video chat..but I know that day will come soon! : ) I love and miss you all my sisters.

p.s.-Mary says: "Heyyyy" ....Yea.

xoxo(feel like whispering gossip girl after I typed that),
Your Hannah Grace