Hello friends! Sorry for the long blog absence. These past few weeks have been extremely FULL of classes, adjusting to new roommates, a new schedule, a visit home, and having a visitor of my own, and I have just not had any time to sit down and write. I think we're all in that same boat, so for those few people who actually follow our blog, I apologize for the lack of action.
I'm not really sure what to write about, because honestly, there is so much going on in my mind right now that I am having trouble focusing on just one topic. In fact, I feel like I am floating through most of my days (not floating in a light and fluffy way, more like life seems to be floating by me). I can't seem to focus my energy on one thing at a time, so everything I do comes out half-hearted. This is SO not like me! I am normally quite determined and motivated, or at least able to fake motivation, and I can usually pay attention to what is happening in the present. This past week especially, I don't feel like I have experienced anything in the present. It's like the present happens and I am just observing it from the outside, it doesn't affect me directly. I do not think this is a healthy way to live life, but I can't seem to get myself out of this rut. After talking to a few friends, it seems that I am not the only one feeling like this, but that still does very little to force me back into my normal routine. Is it just because this is my final semester of college? Is it because I am anticipating the future too much? Maybe because I am close to making some decisions that may greatly affect my life? Who knows? It's making me a little sad that I can't seem to just enjoy the present, because this is my last chance to live with my Taylor friends and be without real-world responsibilities.
(I started writing this blog last night and am now continuing it Sunday morning, so I'm sorry if there is a lack of “flow” in my ramblings.)
Last night, after talking to Toby and taking some time to reflect on what I’ve been feeling lately, I think I may have found a cause for my rut. I identified a certain friendship in my life that is going very poorly. It’s someone who I am very close to, but I feel like recently there has been constant tension between us. It has made it very difficult for me to approach this person about anything, and that really hurts! I am trying to make attempts to reconcile this relationship, but I feel a little like those attempts are being rejected. I don’t even know if the person is aware of it, but I feel like I am tiptoeing around “person” so much that we aren’t even friends anymore. Anyway, I think my lack of motivation is partly due to senioritis and anticipating the future, but it is also due to this almost-broken relationship and the sadness I am feeling as a result of it. If you are wondering what you can pray about for me – this is it.
Well, folks, I think that is all for now. Hannah, Elisa, and Katie: I miss you all VERY much!! I am so appreciative of your friendship and support, and I love you mucho, my sisters.
Peace, Heather Grace
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