Sick of that word yet? Just thought I'd key you all into how I'm feeling about it. How it invades every second of my thought, time and action. How it is all I talk about because it's all anyone talks to me about. How anything I see on TV turns into an idea for a centerpiece. How even as I follow Boy Meets World, I'm to the point where Cory and Topanga just got married. How I forgot that I go to school, no less that I am a SCUF this semester and even have some friends. How we have bridal magazines and bridal books laying in every nook and cranny of our house so we can eventually become inspired at bridal shows. My dress. Bridesmaid dresses. Flower girl dresses. DJ. Florist. Photographer. Guest list. Cut guest list. Budget. Cut guest list more. Save-the-dates. Invitations. Oh yeah, and try to get some sleep. You always look so tired.
I have to be honest, I thought everyone was making a much bigger deal out of wedding plans than they needed to before I had a ring on my finger. I thought to myself, "How hard can it be? Make some calls, get a venue, invite some folks. What's to be stressed about?" Perhaps I "should be able to" go back to that point, but let's be honest, it's dripping in naiveté. I am a bit embarrassed and a bit ashamed at the way I have scoffed at brides I have known in the past who get overwhelmed by their plans to the point of threatening relationships and in fact their own sanity. Needless to say, my eyes have been open. It's only been two weeks of wedding planning and already ice is getting thinner in relationships and my sanity, well, that was questionable to begin with--it can't be much better now. I just find it all a bit troubling and a tinge perplexing. "Why," I think to myself, "has such a happy occasion been turned foul? Why has such a beautiful symbol of commitment been choked by the weeds of materialism, expectations and gift registries?" I haven't come to a conclusion on this point, but I have begun to realize that everything they tell you about, "this is your day" is bull. It's not my day any more than a family reunion or a church outreach is my day. This I am ok with. I realize that if the wedding was for Matt and I we'd probably just elope. But the point of a wedding is to gather people together and to see old friends and to celebrate together. So I'm ok with it not being about me, I just wish people would stop lying to me and telling me that it is. It's made me kind of selfish.
Anyway, I don't really know where I'm going with this. I suppose it was just to vent my frustration in hopes that if I wrote the 'W' word out enough times I wouldn't think about it for at least 5 minutes after I finish writing this. What's funny is that the reason I think about it so much is that I don't care about it. I have never been concerned about my...W, so now that I have to make all of these decisions, I don't know what to choose. I'll be honest, I'm much more concerned with the marriage resulting from this W than I am in the actual W. And I think that's just fine, thanks. Planning for one day verses planning for a lifetime. I think most people focus on the day because it's easier. Overwhelming, sure. But nothing to planning out the rest of your life. And so these wedding-inspired marriages fail. Maybe if they had been marriage-inspired weddings things would be different. And so I am doing my best to have just that: a marriage-inspired wedding. I'm finding that this is in fact a much more difficult task than planning a celebration. It's preparing. It's bracing yourself. For life.
e l i s a
No comments:
Post a Comment