I had zero intention of blogging tonight, but Jesus just blew my mind, and I was afraid that if I didn't write about it, and fast, that the awe would be gone by morning.
Here's what happened.
First, I started writing in my journal. Here's a little excerpt: "It's so frustrating because I feel like I come back to this over and over. I always write about how I'm ignoring Jesus & I get convicted of it & then nothing changes. Is the conviction not real? Is the repentance not real? All I know is that somewhere along the line, something is off. I'm convinced that Satan is determined to get me so hung up on my inadequacies that I am unable to serve the One True God. How can I walk the line between healthy humility & self-hatred? Nothing about me is sufficient, & yet, by the grace of God, I can glorify & serve Him!"
Then I started to read today's entry in My Utmost for His Highest which I haven't picked up in a while, so it is truly a God thing that it was so applicable to my current dilemma. Here's part of what Mr. Chambers had to say: "If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, 'God has called me for this and for that," you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God's interests.... I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me... and all he asks of me is that I trust him.... When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything he chooses." And here is the kicker: "Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world." Thank you Oswald Chambers for hitting it home!
Ok, but seriously, we've all been there, right? We've all said, "God, my plans are your plans. Take over. I submit fully to you!" And then the next day we try to take it back. Hell, sometimes we try to take it back the second we get done praying. It's like when I try to ride my bike with no hands. I know I can do it, but the second I let go, I doubt that I can maintain balance, despite the amount of times I've done it before. I always try to steady myself immediately. Oh, how ironic, because my attempts to steady myself are so futile compared to the control that God has over my life!
Finally, I turned to 1 John. 1 John 5:3 to be exact. "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world.(!!!!!!) This is the victory that had overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." (note: all of 1 John 5 blew my mind tonight... so to get the full context, go read it.)
Seriously, let's talk about overcoming the world shall we? First of all, God's commands are not a burden. John says that as a matter of fact. Like it's easy not to feel burdened. But the feeling of burden is not from God; it's from the world. For the world, following God's commands is the hardest thing ever. In fact, it's impossible. But for God, keeping the law is not impossible. So if we are born of God, which we are, we overcome the world and we are no longer slaves to our sin! (Ok... so I'm referencing Paul a bit... )
Oh my gosh, I can't quite explain why this verse was so encouraging to me, other than maybe to say that right now, at a time when I feel utterly defeated by the world, I needed that reminder that God overcame it through his son Jesus. And I was born again (forgive the cliche) and not only am I not defeated by the world, but I can overcome it! Satan is powerless next to the God that I serve. Through my inadequacies, God's glory can be revealed, because any good thing that I do is a result of God's mercy and grace. The end.
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