Just for laughs

I am not the story teller in this small group of friends. Usually we turn to Hannah to get our bladders bursting as we howl at her ridiculous life stories. But I had such a Michael Scott encounter at work the other day, I had to share.

So my boss' boss is a man I affectionately refer to as CEC (text me if you wanna know what the initials stand for--don't want to get in trouble or anything). CEC and I have spoken a total of five times now, I believe, over the last 3 years. Quite the involved man. So you can imagine my surprise when he came to my desk the other day and said, "Hey... [long pause as he obviously searches for my name until he stops trying because he can't remember...Head to the conference room." I go to the conference room to find every woman from the radio station. I think, "Is this someone's birthday? Is it sexual harassment training?" I'll find out soon enough. CEC enters the conference room along with my coworker, R. (I'm quite the encoder, eh?) Everyone sits down except for R, another co-worker S, and me. CEC begins to speak, "Now it's come to my attention that we have a problem here at the station. And apparently, there was an incident in which a man used the women's bathroom." Hold the phone. Now first off, so many men use the "women's" bathroom, I honestly thought they were unisex. This is already an enlightening meeting for me. CEC goes on, "Now people come to me with this issue every once in a while and I just need to tell you. There are some men in this office ages 60-65 [there are two men in this age range, immediately singling out to us who CEC could be speaking of] who have prostate trouble. When one has to go, he JUST. HAS. TO. GO." At this point, I look at the ground. I can't keep a straight face. Who in their right mind thinks it's appropriate to tell the whole female staff about a man's prostate problems. It gets worse. "Now, let's just call it what it is. ____[Insert staff member's name here] has a prostate problem, and it's hard for him to go." Seriously? He just told us who has a prostate problem? "And you know what? We just need to have a little respect. If it's an emergency, he has to go! So look people, if Satan is going to tear down this organization, it is going to be from the IN.SIDE.OUT!" CEC pauses and honestly, I think he might cry. He is flustered and I'm about to laugh. Satan? Mixed in with a conversation about a bathroom problem? Which we could all care less about since men use our bathroom all the time? But wait. There IS someone who cares. Now said person chimes in, "But CEC, this is a serious problem! We have ALL had to wait in line for the bathroom and it's just ridiculous! Men can't go in there and use the facility. We need a new bathroom." CEC is now extremely flustered. "A new bathroom is $3000-$4000! I mean...that's with a shower and everything... But look! I just don't know what to do!! What do you want me to DO?! [Near tears and now shouting] I talked to E [who's in charge of employee relations] to ask her how to handle this because I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! People come ask me about the bathroom TWO TO THREE TIMES A YEAR and I just can't handle it! This is over my head. It's OVER my HEAD!" I stare at the floor and bite my lip. I can't look at R or else I'll bust a gut while CEC is about to cry. My eyes wander instead to CEC, who I notice is wearing dress shoes with no socks, a shirt and tie and a sweatshirt over said get-up. As if he read my mind, CEC goes on, "So we just need to respect the people with these problems. If there's an emergency, use whatever bathroom is close by. But [prostate man] has a problem, ok?! And we need to respect that, because we ALL have problems. Take me for instance--I almost got fired a few years ago because they didn't think I 'dressed the part'. They didn't like that I wore no socks and that I never wore a tie. [Seriously, he said this. I later found out that it wasn't the socks they were mad about--he also used to not wear shoes to work. Seriously. And this is the headiest head of my work.] So we all have problems alright! So we need to just learn from Paul and ENCOURAGE one another, ok???" Silence for a few seconds. Then a woman chimes in, "So...are you saying the bathrooms are unisex?" CEC has had it. "I don't--I can't handle this! Take your questions to E! I just can't deal with this bathroom issue anymore! I just CAN'T!!!" End of meeting. 25 minutes to say what he could've done in 2 and what only one of us actually cared about. That is what I call efficiency.