VLOG #5

A new vlog for you to enjoy. Recovering from gum surgery...

Me, the Hypocrite with the Closed Purse

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’" - Matthew 25:37-40

I am overwhelmed with guilt. Today I had the chance to serve "the least of these brothers and sisters of mine," and I failed. When I was out on an errand for work downtown, I was approached by an elderly African American woman with ragged clothes and a limp who asked if I had a dollar to spare. One dollar. I said "sorry," turned away, and walked into my place of work (that's right, at a rescue mission).

Ever since I turned away, I have felt a strong sense of shame and embarrassment. I can't believe I didn't stop, open my purse, and check to see if I actually had cash (which I did, by the way). How could I just keep walking like that without even thinking twice? Homelessness and poverty are my passions. I can get on my soapbox and talk for hours about how important social services are, and how the church needs to be doing more to help the poor, but when I'm actually faced with the issue directly, I become a hypocrite. I'm so embarrassed.

So now I'm wondering: why did I do that? Why is it my instinct to turn away or ignore someone who approaches me on the street and asks for a dollar? It's clearly not how I want to respond. It's definitely not how Christ would respond. I absolutely have a dollar to spare for someone in need. Heck, I have a dollar to spare for a millionaire. So why did I turn and run?

Let me be honest. I grew up in the suburban Midwest. I participated in church from AWANA to youth group, attended Christian college in a cornfield, and almost all of my friends have similar backgrounds to this. My personal experience in the inner city is very limited, even though I'd like to pretend that's not true. I grew up being taught that homeless people and those who beg on the streets are most likely on drugs. Or if not, then maybe they deserve it somehow. So is that why I can't open my purse?

I've spent the last three years reading about homelessness, working firsthand with mentally ill people in poverty, and learning about the barriers that poor people face that are completely out of their control. I know that not all homeless people are on drugs. I know it. This is what is driving me crazy.

And even if this woman was a drug addict, does that mean that Jesus would have just walked away from her? Absolutely NOT. Duh. I bet he would have put his arm around her, given her a bus pass, and treated her to McDonald's. Why can't I be like that? I struggle so much with knowing how to interact directly with homeless people when I'm not somehow "on duty." Dear God, please show me how to love people like you do!

Basically ever since the interaction this afternoon, I have been asking God to give me another chance to boldly show His love to a homeless person. And that is why I decided to write this blog. I want everyone to know my shame so I will be held accountable to act differently next time. I hope you find some encouragement in this post. If you don't ever interact with homeless people, then maybe you need to put yourself in a situation where you will. See what happens. And if you're someone who already opens your purse every time, God bless you. I sincerely pray that one day that will be me.

Thanks for reading. Hopefully I will be able to write a more positive story soon.

Always,

Heather

Dirty Laundry

Happy Monday!

I've been thinking about blogging for a few days now, and I finally worked up the motivation, so here I am. I'm working from home today because we had a big snowfall and the roads are super icy, but I have already put in over 6 productive hours of work, and I think I deserve a break. Of course, I could be doing these piles of laundry that have been sitting on our floor since yesterday, but what's the fun in that?

Let's see, what's new in my life? Well, you 3 already know this, but I went to the eye doctor last week and learned that I officially need glasses. Apparently, I am farsighted, and also one of my eyes naturally looks slightly outward rather than straight ahead, so I have to strain my eyes to focus on things up close. That's right, I have a crazy eye. This is not really news to me considering I've always had my little eye - I just know he's the culprit. I won't need to wear them all the time, pretty much just at work and when I'm reading. But, still! I'm sad.

Toby and I went to our first small group activity at our new church last week. We are checking out a group for newlywed couples called The Honeymooners. So far, so good. This week, I have my work "Christmas party" (oh, the joys of working at an organization that actually gets busier at Christmas time), so we can't go to the group, but we'll try again next week. We're still searching for more kindred couple friends...why can't it just be easy to meet a couple we both like?! Seriously, I am sick of moving and changing friends every few years (elementary, middle, high school, college, post-college, married, etc). Are you sure none of you want to move to Minnesota? :P

On a more serious note, there is something I'd like some prayer for. In the last few months, I have come to the realization/conviction that I have a lot of anxiety. I keep it inside for the most part, but it definitely comes out at Toby's expense and it is stressing out both of us. I think I might seriously have mild OCD, because the anxiety is mostly about cleanliness and organization. I've always been a neat-freak, but I feel like I'm starting to have more of an emotional reaction when things are out of place or dirty -- and that is different than how it's been in the past. I feel like it's a spiritual issue too, because I'm living with a lot of fear and not trusting God to take care of things. I would really appreciate prayer, because my biggest goal right now is to start turning my anxiety and fear over to God.

Okay, back to work. I love you ladies a ton! Have a great week!

Heather Grace