This Blog Comes With A Preface.

So this blog comes with a preface. I wold like to start out by saying that my reasons for this post are all wrong. I felt guilty about not having posted in forever..I don't want to see another blog titled "Where is Hannah Grace?", and I am not writing because I have anything of particular importance to say. However, seeing as though you women are three of my best friends everr...I figured you would enjoy a glance into my life regardless. : )

I have been extremely antsy. Not only is this my first summer home/in the country in the past two years, but you are all nottt so close to me anymore. (Directionally that is.) It's really strange..as soon as summer really began for me this year, THAT is when I fully realized how busy and productive I had been the two previous summers. Kind of like I don't know howw sleep deprived I am until..I sleep in till 4pm the following day, lol. Anyways, I have been going to Cleveland just about every afternoon for my Criminology class which, as I told Elisa, is not exactly a challenge for me. We don't have anyy work to complete outside of class..we have an exam every other week..(which are ridiculously easy), and there ya go. The class is really interesting and my professor is awesome, I havve been learning new things. (Including; The state of Ohio houses the largest number of serial killers in the entire country). Whaaattt a shocker. When I'm not in class..I work some, and catch some sun. I'm just glad that I have Sara here with me! : )

Ok, enough with the downer Hannah vibes. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about this summer (even though it NEEEDSS to get hotter!! What the krunk?! Is this how it's been when I was gone?) Given my ridiculous amounts of free time, I have been reading like a madwoman, drawing (which is something I sorta slowed down on this past year), and spending time with my family. It's definitely going to be a summer of self reflection which is good..but can also be scary when I feel like I haven't had time this whole year to slow down and evaluate myself. Girls, I miss you all veryy much. It's gonna take a while for me to really process how different things are going to be for all of us now. We are all in totally different kinds of dynamics now, but I know that we'll be ok. : ) I'm praying for you three all the time. I love youu!!

p.s. -Call if you want any new creeper stories. I'm not even thinking of any in particular when I say this..but I know that there will be a fresh one whenever you call. You know my life. ; )

19.FISCHER.89

Married Life: the first 2 weeks

Hey Beady sisses! I'm glad to finally be back on here. It's at least one way I can communicate with you all when I miss you girls so much it hurts. I've been on this new adventure for two weeks and haven't had the chance to share any of it with any of you. I owe each of you a phone call soon. Not even so much "owe" as I'm going to go nuts if I don't at least talk to you girls soon.

Well, the wedding day was a blur. I had a blast, but I feel like I hardly saw any of you at all, even you, Hannah, and you were in it. I wish all three of you could have been in the wedding party. Whenever I saw you, Kate and Heathie, throughout the day, I felt like, "this doesn't seem right. They should be at this 'head table' with me too." I don't know if I ever really apologized to you girls for that. There was just no way Matt was going to scrounge up 2 more guys that were close enough for him to be worth having in the wedding though. I loved my party, but it would've been all the more wonderful if you two could've joined. But I suppose that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, marriage has been a joy so far. I think Matt and I are both even weirder when we're living together, which I think is a good thing--that we're both weird, I mean. (If I was the only one dancing ridiculously in the kitchen, it'd just be no fun.) It's funny, marriage seems so natural. In a lot of ways it feels so perfect that things must have always been this way, like it's impossible that there was I time when I didn't fall asleep next to the man of my dreams. So brace yourself, Heathie, for the best part of your life! I can already tell that marriage won't be easy, but the joys that come with it are guaranteed to outweigh even the worst of trials. Honestly, it doesn't seem fair that I get to be this happy!

We've already run into some bumps. The first day we got here, we discovered that we would only have a one bedroom apartment, our mattress wasn't delivered so we had to sleep on the floor, and we realized at about 10:30pm that we had no food to eat for lunch the next day. Honestly, it was one of the best days of my life. Even the annoying things are fun with Matt. I love married life!

Well, I'd better peace out for now. Matt's got to set up our router so we can have wireless internet. Woohoo! Well, call me some time this week girlies! I've got a home phone number now that I'll have to email you all, but just stick with the cell for now. I hope all of your summers are going wonderfully and I miss you all a ton! (Married life may be a blast, but I have no girls around!)

Peace and blessings. Peace and blessings.

:)

Living without excess... sort of.

Beadies, where are you?! :(

If we were the type of bloggers who labeled our blogs, I wonder how many I would have labeled "materialism."  Well, brace yourself. Because here comes another one.

I'm constantly being struck by the sheer volume of things that I have. But packing for Laura's Home is proving to be a humbling and frustrating venture. (Many things about my preparations for LH have been humbling, but that's something for another blog...)  I got my packing list in the mail, and it is short and simple. Bedding, towels, toiletries, modest summer clothing (including office casual clothes), swim suit, bible, journal, etc..  And I live so close that I am tempted to just under pack, because I can come home any time and get things. 

But I feel this tension. I need to bring office clothes and look nice, and I'm tempted to bring all my nice clothes, but there are so many of them. I'm imagining myself wheeling suitcases and laundry baskets full of things into this home for women who don't have homes, let alone a car full of things. So how simply can I live this summer, while still being professional and following dress code? There's a certain irony to my struggle. I have access to all this STUFF... and I'm trying to limit how much I bring for appearance's sake.  I don't want to appear vain, or rich, or clothing obsessed, which begs the question, am I?

How many colors of nail polish should I bring? How much jewelry? How many different scents of lotion? How many tops and skirts? How many shoes? How much can I cram in without seeming like I've brought too much? How much is actually too much? I want to live without excess. But I don't think that I even know what that really looks like. Well, maybe this summer, I'll find out.

a little summer

Summer.

As you all know, I am not as easily seduced by hot weather as most people. I don't particularly like feeling sticky, or sweaty, and I don't like wearing shorts. I certainly don't like sun burn, which is inevitable for me. I think there's a certain monotony to all-green leaves when compared to the vividness of autumn. But in the past couple of days, I can't help but be reminded of the magic of summer.

Summer gets my wheels turning. Summer is the time of year when I can go out and take photos of just about anything, and it turns out gorgeous. Because, oh, that sun!

Summer makes me drive places just for the heck of it, because I just want to sit and see it. Summer makes people start to buzz about things like camping trips, and long drives with windows down, and swimming pools. Summer is the time for big plans, and big spontaneity. Summer is full of the best check lists you can think of, with things like, "go to the drive in," "play beach volleyball," "have picnics," and so on. Summer means top-down convertibles, and ice cream, and sitting on balconies and patios till late, because the sun hasn't gone down yet, so who knows what time it is? Summer brings reading lists... the kind of books you read by the pool until the sun beating down makes you rest in between paragraphs.

This summer has started off right.  With a wedding, that put a smile on my face that hasn't gone away since. With quality time with friends. With a break.

I think one of the best things about getting older is that I look forward to more than just free time.  I remember relishing summer for its emptiness, and the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Now, I appreciate some structure.  I have a break now, but soon, I get to embark on this new challenge.  I get to experience new people, and learn new things. I get to do ministry in a new way.  I can't wait to get to Laura's Home, and I can't wait to see what the Lord wants to teach me this summer. Proverbs 4:18 says "the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day," and I can't get that image out of my head.  As I seek the Lord, and His plans, and His love, it's like stepping from winter, to spring, to summer. The days are longer. There are challenges.  But they are the most beautiful challenges.  So, summer, here I come!

Can I just say...

... I am not a democrat. But I have democratic tendencies. From time to time. And sometimes, that is not a safe thing to tell people. Especially Christian people. And that bugs me.

That is all.

VLOG time!

For some reason I talked really quietly in this video, but hopefully you can still hear me! Let me know if you can't hear me at all.

The rodents in my brain

Well ladies, it's been a while since I've blessed the blogosphere with my wisdom. Maybe that's because I've had little to give. Even now I don't really know what I'm writing about. Story of my current life. Living in a daze, unsure of what I'm doing, stressed to breaking point. But what good can I do complaining here about it? How will that help any of you, or even me, since I will surely walk away not relieved for having vented, but ashamed for having done. I don't want to be a whiner, and frankly it's who I am becoming. So easy it is to pout alone with my computer, lamenting over the fact that I have a lot to do and that life is not going as easily as I would like. How incredibly pathetic, I often write as I journal about worry. The same verse plunges back into me like a knife to my uterus:"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Fitting it should be in Matthew. My own Matthew seems to tell me this sort of thing on a daily basis.

And so instead of complaining about my woes, I want to question anxiety altogether. Why do we invite this stupid hamster running tirelessly on its wheel into our brain? It may pass the time to watch it, but he does little good at all and simply serves as an annoyance, a degradation of our true potential as the metal spokes of his wheel grate away the functioning bits of our minds. If nothing else, the rodent's constant movement stresses us out more (what if he gets hurt? what if he falls off? for pete's sake, why the crunk is he running?), and yet we ask him in, enticing him with a fat cake and a few carrots. Worry is an ignorant guest who poops all over our dreams.

And so I defer to what I have learned. To be honest, I don't know. I seldom know what I've learned about a situation until it's good and dead, over and through. Then, when I can reflect on the chaos, I can pinpoint what God was telling me, if only because I am no longer too distracted to notice his hand nudging me along. Currently, God has been replaced with an obnoxious rodent that may be the pet that every five-year-old wants to have, but is so not worth the extra work. Clearly this animal is destroying my brain considering I can't think of a better mental image than a hamster. My intelligence is going downhill. Stupid animal. It at least somewhat accurately portrays the unworthiness of what is replacing my God--my God who has created the infinite universe and the intricate cell.

Worry. How incredibly pathetic.

.e.l.i.s.a.

CSU Flash Mob

So, Hannah and I got to be in a flash mob today. Jealous? You should be. The video of what we did isn't up yet, and when it is, I will share. But, in the mean time, I found some of my all time favorite flash mob (or something like it) youtube videos, just to distract you from more important things.






Caution: these videos are addicting.

18 months.

That's how long I have told SIM that I will commit to.

18 months. A year and a half. 2012 is when I will be home. That means that I will never be in America during 2011 (Lord willing...). Sorry... just processing. Deep breath.

I've also started to get PRF's, which I think stands for Position Request Form. They are basically like job descriptions. They say things like: "India", "Bangladesh", "Kenya".... and "Transportation: Auto Rickshaw or Bike Rickshaw"... and "girls who have survived abuse, neglect, homelessness, broken homes, and other wounds from poverty"... and "bring $200 if you want to go on a safari". Deep breath.

I also realized today that because I don't have to take any final exams (although I have 4 final papers standing between me and graduation), I will be basically done with school in 2 weeks. Whew. Deep breath.

Dates like May 15th, May 22, June 1-Aug 15th, Sept 8-11, Oct 23-Nov 6 all ring in my brain as some of the potentially most life changing dates of my life (or some other people's lives... wait, is a beady getting MARRIED?) and as they roll around in my head, I can't figure out whether or not they're real, or how quickly they will come. Deep breath.

I'm buying books about support raising, and about coping with stress on the mission field, and realizing that I'm actually doing this. Deep breath.

All I can say is, it's a good thing the Lord knows what He's doing, because I certainly don't.

Deep breath.
deep breath.
deep breath.

Hallelujah

Why hello beadies! I'm terribly sorry for my absence, I really just haven't been in the mood to post my doldrum of a life. lol. I really have been just busy with school lately, as some of you know..dealing with well..other relational problems. haha I have however been getting really excited about this wedding business Elissaaa! : ) My 21st birthday is also coming up here shortly (soo strange, does that make you all feel older?)

Oh man, lately I've been very antsy. Really just about my future, which isn't a new concept to me but...it's so different now. Now that I've really felt God move in me and make clear many things that He wants to see in my life..I really just want to get TO it! lol Like..I really have never felt so strongly about specific goals, but..not even look at them as goals. I really do see them as my future realities. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that these things will take place and be used to further God's kingdom. It totally pumps me up, but again...I just wish I was ready to jump right into it. I know there are somme things I could be doing now, while I'm finishing up my Sociology/(soon to be) Criminology major..but I'm ready to be actually DOING them.

Also, I've been very encouraged at school this year particularly in the form of our Campus Crusade. As Katie and I are well aware...our group started off this year with about 3 or 4, and praise God we now have a consistant 10! As you girls are fully aware, I am constantly getting vibes. Whether these vibes be from people..or places. Right now, I just have suchh an energetic vibe that really just tells me everyday how much God is ready to use Cleveland in a BIG way. Knowing and feeling this, I truly believe that we...students at Cleveland State University..are to be used. Soo..needless to say, I'm VERY excited and passionate about continuing this movement on our campus next year (even thought Katesters will no longer be at CSU) : (. Well girls, I love you all three veryyy much, and praise God for you constantly. God is moving in us four in very powerful ways for His glory and kingdom, there is no denying it. Praise God and Hallelujah.