Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last

I just want to announce to the blogesphere that I am officially done being a Mental Health Practitioner!! Today was my last day, and I am extremely glad to say that I start my new job next week! This weekend, Toby and I are going up north to Duluth, which is a popular travel destination for Minnesotans. It's a town right on Lake Superior full of antique shops, typical touristy spots, and pretty lake and nature walking paths. We're going up with another couple and staying at an indoor water park resort, so it should be really fun!

The last two weeks at work have been really tough. It's felt like two consistent weeks of breaking up with people. Some of my clients took the news well, but others did not. I guess that's to be expected when I've been meeting with them every week for the past year. As a result, I've been pretty emotional, too. One client wrote me a letter thanking me for all the work we did together. In her letter she wrote, "God's spirit shines through you gracefully." And that was really neat to hear! It was not often that I got any feedback on the work I was doing, so I greatly appreciated reading that! I will truly cherish that letter.

I'm sure I will have plenty to share about my new job once I start, so be looking out for that. I still can't believe I'm done. Whew, it has been a long year.

Peace out.

Heather

6 months ago

November 14^th. That was just over 6 months ago. 6 months.

That’s the day I knew I wasn’t leaving. Not yet. After that day, I faced the world in a new way. People were divided into two categories: those who knew, and those who didn’t. Those who knew would approach cautiously, looking downcast, and say things like, “how are you holding up?” Those who didn’t would be talking to me about whatever, and then it would dawn on them, and they’d say, “Oh yeah, when are you leaving?” Then I would twist up my face and say something weak like, “Well, it’s a long story… but I’m not.”

6 months ago, I also stopped taking pictures. I stopped painting. I stopped playing my guitar. Right after Christmas, I stopped knitting. For a few weeks, I took solace in the word, but after that, I started to glaze over while reading it. I started reading out of obligation, as if storing facts for the next test. Someone would inevitably ask me what I had been learning, and I’d pull something out of the stores in my head (that same section where I store SAT vocabulary and Presidential trivia) and give them some lame response. Or some days, if I was really tired, I’d just say, “it’s been hard, but the Lord’s been faithful.” Which is true, but that should never be the last ditch answer. The Lord is faithful, but his faithfulness should not be reduced to small talk.

Not long after, I started making myself look really good on paper. I pretended to be completely sure of myself, and convinced myself that I was qualified for anything the working world could throw at me. I applied for jobs that I was underqualified for, and jobs I was overqualified for. And none of those employers seemed to want me. I started wearing suits and eyeliner, both of which I had hoped to leave behind for the third world. Then I got a job. It was handed to me, but I was okay with that. I started smiling a lot, and wearing a metal name tag, and handing out business cards.

A few weeks later, I packed up what was left of my life and put it in a u-haul. I then spent evenings walking the aisles of discount stores so that I could accumulate lamps, pots and pans, and picture frames. I started a life completely my own, and completely different from what I imagined just a year ago.

Somewhere in there, I picked up my camera again. Not every day. Nowhere close to every day. But some things were worth documenting. I tuned my guitar. I opened my eyes while I was reading my bible.

This blog does not even begin to describe the things that I’ve processed with God over these past 6 months. Maybe in another 6 months, I’ll be able to explain those things with a little more perspective and clarity. But for now, I can agree with God who says in His word that “the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.” In some ways, I feel like I’m starting over, like morning is breaking. And you know what, it was awful getting here, but now, it’s not so bad.