VLOG time!

For some reason I talked really quietly in this video, but hopefully you can still hear me! Let me know if you can't hear me at all.

The rodents in my brain

Well ladies, it's been a while since I've blessed the blogosphere with my wisdom. Maybe that's because I've had little to give. Even now I don't really know what I'm writing about. Story of my current life. Living in a daze, unsure of what I'm doing, stressed to breaking point. But what good can I do complaining here about it? How will that help any of you, or even me, since I will surely walk away not relieved for having vented, but ashamed for having done. I don't want to be a whiner, and frankly it's who I am becoming. So easy it is to pout alone with my computer, lamenting over the fact that I have a lot to do and that life is not going as easily as I would like. How incredibly pathetic, I often write as I journal about worry. The same verse plunges back into me like a knife to my uterus:"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Fitting it should be in Matthew. My own Matthew seems to tell me this sort of thing on a daily basis.

And so instead of complaining about my woes, I want to question anxiety altogether. Why do we invite this stupid hamster running tirelessly on its wheel into our brain? It may pass the time to watch it, but he does little good at all and simply serves as an annoyance, a degradation of our true potential as the metal spokes of his wheel grate away the functioning bits of our minds. If nothing else, the rodent's constant movement stresses us out more (what if he gets hurt? what if he falls off? for pete's sake, why the crunk is he running?), and yet we ask him in, enticing him with a fat cake and a few carrots. Worry is an ignorant guest who poops all over our dreams.

And so I defer to what I have learned. To be honest, I don't know. I seldom know what I've learned about a situation until it's good and dead, over and through. Then, when I can reflect on the chaos, I can pinpoint what God was telling me, if only because I am no longer too distracted to notice his hand nudging me along. Currently, God has been replaced with an obnoxious rodent that may be the pet that every five-year-old wants to have, but is so not worth the extra work. Clearly this animal is destroying my brain considering I can't think of a better mental image than a hamster. My intelligence is going downhill. Stupid animal. It at least somewhat accurately portrays the unworthiness of what is replacing my God--my God who has created the infinite universe and the intricate cell.

Worry. How incredibly pathetic.

.e.l.i.s.a.

CSU Flash Mob

So, Hannah and I got to be in a flash mob today. Jealous? You should be. The video of what we did isn't up yet, and when it is, I will share. But, in the mean time, I found some of my all time favorite flash mob (or something like it) youtube videos, just to distract you from more important things.






Caution: these videos are addicting.

18 months.

That's how long I have told SIM that I will commit to.

18 months. A year and a half. 2012 is when I will be home. That means that I will never be in America during 2011 (Lord willing...). Sorry... just processing. Deep breath.

I've also started to get PRF's, which I think stands for Position Request Form. They are basically like job descriptions. They say things like: "India", "Bangladesh", "Kenya".... and "Transportation: Auto Rickshaw or Bike Rickshaw"... and "girls who have survived abuse, neglect, homelessness, broken homes, and other wounds from poverty"... and "bring $200 if you want to go on a safari". Deep breath.

I also realized today that because I don't have to take any final exams (although I have 4 final papers standing between me and graduation), I will be basically done with school in 2 weeks. Whew. Deep breath.

Dates like May 15th, May 22, June 1-Aug 15th, Sept 8-11, Oct 23-Nov 6 all ring in my brain as some of the potentially most life changing dates of my life (or some other people's lives... wait, is a beady getting MARRIED?) and as they roll around in my head, I can't figure out whether or not they're real, or how quickly they will come. Deep breath.

I'm buying books about support raising, and about coping with stress on the mission field, and realizing that I'm actually doing this. Deep breath.

All I can say is, it's a good thing the Lord knows what He's doing, because I certainly don't.

Deep breath.
deep breath.
deep breath.

Hallelujah

Why hello beadies! I'm terribly sorry for my absence, I really just haven't been in the mood to post my doldrum of a life. lol. I really have been just busy with school lately, as some of you know..dealing with well..other relational problems. haha I have however been getting really excited about this wedding business Elissaaa! : ) My 21st birthday is also coming up here shortly (soo strange, does that make you all feel older?)

Oh man, lately I've been very antsy. Really just about my future, which isn't a new concept to me but...it's so different now. Now that I've really felt God move in me and make clear many things that He wants to see in my life..I really just want to get TO it! lol Like..I really have never felt so strongly about specific goals, but..not even look at them as goals. I really do see them as my future realities. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that these things will take place and be used to further God's kingdom. It totally pumps me up, but again...I just wish I was ready to jump right into it. I know there are somme things I could be doing now, while I'm finishing up my Sociology/(soon to be) Criminology major..but I'm ready to be actually DOING them.

Also, I've been very encouraged at school this year particularly in the form of our Campus Crusade. As Katie and I are well aware...our group started off this year with about 3 or 4, and praise God we now have a consistant 10! As you girls are fully aware, I am constantly getting vibes. Whether these vibes be from people..or places. Right now, I just have suchh an energetic vibe that really just tells me everyday how much God is ready to use Cleveland in a BIG way. Knowing and feeling this, I truly believe that we...students at Cleveland State University..are to be used. Soo..needless to say, I'm VERY excited and passionate about continuing this movement on our campus next year (even thought Katesters will no longer be at CSU) : (. Well girls, I love you all three veryyy much, and praise God for you constantly. God is moving in us four in very powerful ways for His glory and kingdom, there is no denying it. Praise God and Hallelujah.